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Toxic Friends: Signs of Toxic Friends (And How to Get Rid of Them)

How to: Get Rid of Toxic Friends

How to: Get Rid of Toxic Friends

Since my post on BF’s first anniversary, I have been pretty sick. I mentioned in that post that I had an ‘inner ear virus’ that caused me to get dizzy, feel nauseous, and basically have this sick feeling that I am constantly moving.

To put a long story short, it never really went away after 3 different rounds of medication. During that time, more symptoms cropped up, which lead me to hospital for some tests and me deciding to make some major changes in my life. During this ordeal, I have realized who my true friends are. They say you can really tell who your true friends are in times of trouble, and I have to agree! My doctor also said that one of the reasons why this illness isn’t going away is because of stress, so she asked me what was up and we had a little chat about what was on my mind, which were my disappointment in a few of my friends. She gave me some great advice as well as her own stories and I’m happy to report I am over it and ready to start anew!

It was also so weird how one night during this time I randomly came across a great site that wrote about toxic friendships. It has inspired me to write my own post and perhaps help other readers who may be dealing with them.

I think toxic friends are a source of stress and unnecessary drama that can affect your happiness, which I believe is the root of true beauty; inside and out.

Identifying the Toxic Friend

Florence Isaacs, author of Toxic Friends/True Friends explained to WebMD.com:

“Friendships are important everywhere, and they have positive things to contribute to all areas of your life. But that means they can also be toxic in any of these areas as well.”

Isaacs explains that a toxic friendship is unsupportive, draining, unrewarding, stifling, unsatisfying, and often unequal. “Toxic friends stress you out, use you, are unreliable, are overly demanding, and don’t give anything back.”

Friendships permeate our lives, having an impact on our careers, marriages, families, children, health, and even our retirement.

Types of Toxic Friends

These are some of the many ‘types’ and characteristics a of toxic friend could have:

  1. The Gossiper: She thrives on gossip, scandal and drama. She bad mouthes everyone and makes you think what she could be saying about you. You have probably met a lot of these people in high school!
  2. The Wet Blanket/Victim: She only calls you when there is something wrong in her life. In fact, her life motto is ‘Woe is me.’ When it’s all good, you never hear from her. This friend takes you for granted and has appointed you as their personal therapist. You could be having a wonderful day and a phone call from her can bring you down and completely wear you out.
  3. The Envious One: Let’s be honest – girls can get very catty, and most of it steams from insecurity. This is the friend that very subtly criticizes you, makes everything a competition, and even sounds happy when you are having a bad day.
  4. The User: A person who has identified that you have/know something that they want. Whether it is for them to further their career, or as simple as you have a hot brother and she wants to get with him! Either way, this person is just using you for their own benefit and provide absolutely nothing to your life.

Signs of a Toxic Friend

There are many more ‘types’ of toxic friends than the ones I listed above, but ultimately, to identify a toxic friend, it is to see how you feel about them. Here are a few ideas. You:-

  • don’t feel comfortable with this person.
  • feel ‘down’ about yourself after talking or seeing this person. Either because they insult you, make you feel inferior, question you, or because they are just give off a negative vibe.
  • feel anxious and afraid when you see an e-mail or a text message from them, anticipating what they might say/demand from you.
  • have this nagging feeling that this person wants something from you and is not genuine. Your gut instinct is always right!
  • feel tired, drained, exhausted, defeated, stressed out and generally bad about yourself with this person.
  • Still undecided? These questions will help figure out if your friend is doing more harm than good.

Dealing with the Toxic Friend

Before I go on, here’s some food-for-thought from Thought Catalog’s article ‘Everyone Should Get Rid of Their Toxic Friends‘. I know that for me, I’d always feel “really bad” for dumping certain people in my life, even though I knew they were bad for me – I’d still try to help them, etc. While the audience for this article is in their mid-twenties, I still think this passage is great for anyone and puts it very bluntly:

I feel like your twenties are a time when you cut the fat and find out who’s really meant to stick by you. In such an insane time of transition, friendships aren’t easy to maintain like they once were in college. Now we actually have to put work into it, we have to make a conscious effort to keep the friendship going. This shift allows you to really ask yourself, “Is this person worth it? Do they treat me like crap or what?” And if you have your doubts, chances are they aren’t meant to be a part of your tribe. Toxic friendships do nothing but drag you down.

…Take care of yourself and stop hanging out with douchebags. Only surround yourself with people who bring out the best qualities in you. It sounds corny but it’s true. If you don’t like the way you act when you’re around someone, maybe you should reconsider being around them.

It’s time to build your second family. The friends you have now will likely be the ones you have forever, so you might as well make sure they’re solid!

So… got a few people in mind? Now how exactly do you get rid of them? I never want to have enemies or cause conflict with people, so trying to ‘end it’ with them has been the hardest for me. How do you politely rid someone out of your life anyway?

Some people find it very easy – in fact when I asked a friend about this, he said I should just send them a text saying “Please f*** off. Bye.” Haha! Men. Easy for him to say, huh?! But for the um, mature approach, here are a few ideas you can consider:

1. Set boundaries.

When you are helping a friend but they are hurting you in the process, nobody is feeling good and nothing productive is happening – this is what happened to me. In general though, you can simply learn to start saying ‘no’. No to 20 phone calls a day about her stupid ex boyfriend. No to insulting anyone in your family. No to calling you last minute and expecting you to drop everything to see her. It is hard, because at the same time you want to be there for a friend but you have to set boundaries or it will eat you alive.

My doctor said something very eye-opening to me. I told her that even though these people treat me like dirt, I can’t just ignore someone in trouble because I feel bad and I have to help somehow. She replied, ‘You can’t be everyone’s savior, Renee.’ … And she’s right. For these friends of mine, their issues have been going on for years, yet they are not doing anything about it. At the end of the day, you cannot help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. You will just end up drowning with them. You can help a friend out but you must set boundaries and stick to it – it’s for your own good, and could teach them something in the process.

2. Speak to them.

This is probably the hardest … If you would like to give this friendship another go, there is no other way to change it then to honestly speak to them about how you are feeling. Stand up for yourself and tell them enough is enough. In middle school, this girl used to slap her friends – including me. She used to slap people if a joke was funny, if she was angry – for example, ‘hey, that was my pen’ – slap! – for any reason, really. It was strange! I eventually got one my friends who also thought this wasn’t right and we both told her off, and she stopped.

If, once again, they are defensive, blame it on you, become very angry, abusive, etc, then I think it’s best to cut this friendship off. At least you can say you tried.

In some cases though, you may not want to sort it out and just end the friendship completely. In this case, it is best to say as little as possible. A sentence like ‘I do not wish to be your friend anymore’ is pretty to-the-point. It is quite blunt and I find it cruel, but honestly sometimes this is the best way. Some people are just simply not meant to get along.

3. Or, “disappear”.

This is the coward approach, but none the less, makes its point. I fully get the message that if a friend used to call me everynight to never hearing from her in 6 months, it means the friendship is over. Also, saying that you are “busy” enough times when they ask to hang out and they will stop. They will get the message one way or the other – especially if they really were toxic friends; they’d realize it was due to their behavior.

Another way that is relating to this is spending people with you actually like, keeping busy and making new friendships – you will eventually, and naturally start to drift away from this toxic friend and grow apart.

Don’t be a toxic friend yourself!

We all do it sometimes. I definitely am guilty of pouring out my sorrows to a friend a little too often and I am the worse at replying calls, especially text messages. It has made me realize that the friendships I were persuing were with the wrong people and the friendships I left alone are my real friends. Life is a learning process though, so try to be a good friend yourself and have friendships with people who you feel are honest, right, and who you’re happy knowing. When you do meet these special people, cherish them and surround yourself with ‘only the good stuff’!

So what do you think, do you have toxic friends in your life? How do you deal with them? I’d love to hear your stories, so feel free to share them! You are anonymous here. :)

{ 114 comments… add one }

  • Dip July 15, 2009, 4:36 am

    i have actually had to deal with this a lot because i have this whole “its not nice to judge people” thing so i feel sorry for people.
    always a mistake because then you end up having to dis-attach from people!
    basically the whole thing comes down to boundaries…you just have to hold your boundaries where you feel comfortable. its really hard to set new boundaries but you have to think of it the same way you would think of breaking a bad habit or ending unhealthy relationships.

    • Renee July 16, 2009, 1:15 pm

      Dip – spot on. If we all just knew how to set boundaries earlier then I guess we wouldn’t have to deal with certain things. But we also need to go through this to realize we need to set boundaries in the first place, so all a learning experience, really :D

  • Danielle July 15, 2009, 4:53 am

    Hey beautyfool, i just want to say..I admire you coming out with this article..I too have had some friends who have used me when they only need something..but I just cant find the strength to tell the to go away..maybe i should use your friends advice and tell them to F**K off.


    • Renee July 16, 2009, 1:13 pm

      Danielle – Haha yeah, but you might make some unnecessary drama!

  • SzeLing July 15, 2009, 8:44 am

    Hey girl. First of all…big hugs to you.
    Hope you’re feeling better. =)
    I guess all of us have to go through this at least once in our lifetime.

    • Renee July 16, 2009, 1:14 pm

      Hey SzeLing, thanks dear! I see like 5% improvement everyday so it’s just sooo slow haha. But at least I’m recovering. Thanks for the sweet e-mail as well. x

  • raimy July 15, 2009, 3:45 pm

    Be stress free mate! Live life to the fullest! And and and get over it and get back on track where God wants you to be! cheers girl! Awesome blog!

  • Krib July 15, 2009, 4:57 pm

    You forget the ‘I want to see you when I have nothing else to do’ ^^ This kind of person says that she is your friend but it’s only her who decides when and where you’re gonna see her (aka : when she is bored) and she doesn’t care if you’re already busy with something else. I think that it is easy to get rid of ‘the user’, i just say to them to go suck the blood of everyone else (For me, they’re vampires, always trying to drain you out of your energy, money or self-confidence..). But the victim, so difficult…I confess that I use the coward technique :$

    I hope you’re going to get better soon !!

    • Renee July 16, 2009, 1:11 pm

      Krib — Ah yes, I know what you’re talking about, I know someone like that too! Love your “vampire” reference too, basically they just suck out your everything – energy, emotions, I feel tired after talking to some people!

      And yeah, coward technique – not the most fun but I guess sometimes it happens naturally too, you are busy and only want to make time for the real friends so eventually you stop talking to the bad ones!

      Thanks for your great comment Krib, and yeah, I’m slowly getting better, thank goodness :D x

  • alex - unleash reality July 15, 2009, 7:27 pm

    Hey renee!!

    man. know how it feels to be in that situation. sucks totally.

    thing is: not everyone needs to be a “friend”. you know. the kind that’ll bust you outta jail if need be. it’s okay to have some “kinda-friends” :)

    your breakdown of the toxic friend made me chuckle :)

    “Don’t be a toxic friend yourself!” – best part of the whole article :D

    awwwsomeness. cool to see some non-makeup related posts :)


    keep well and in touch
    alex – unleash reality

    • Renee July 16, 2009, 1:08 pm

      Hey Alex,

      Yeah I know what you mean about “kinda friends”, but if they treat you like crap too what’s the point, right? Haha. Glad to hear that this non-makeup post is appreciated, as I planned to do more articles like this but wasn’t too sure if it’ll be liked.

      Thanks for visiting and and great blog; added to my blogroll :)

    • Tesia January 21, 2014, 6:03 am

      Totally agree with the “kinda friends”. I’m at a point in my life where I am trying to find good friends. I’ve met some pretty great people, but I have not found people that I would consider my best buds. I think I have many “kinda friends” right now.
      Thanks for the post and ideas.

  • filzah July 15, 2009, 8:38 pm

    thanks for writing this article, it really opened my eyes about my relationship with my friends. thank you.

    • Renee July 16, 2009, 1:07 pm

      You’re welcome, Filzah! So glad it helped. :)

  • Blake July 24, 2009, 10:02 pm

    I made too fast a “friend” out of someone I met through work. This person is living in a halfway house and looking at serious jailtime, having already spend about half of his 30 years in prison for grand theft auto, male hustling, assault and more. I do not know what attracted me to him, but I think it was a sincere desire to help him out by offering him friendship with someone who has not lived his sort of life, and he is a very friendly, attractive, personable little hustler. But almost immediately, he started assuming I would buy him items – expensive, considerable items I have not even bought myself or a relative. I have bought about three items that were too much in value, but cheaper than the exact ones he wanted. I need to get away from him before I feel the damage in my wallet, before he hustles me out of my belongings, and before he takes my car or computer or more. There is no physical relationship, but at first that was his “come on.” I told him quickly that I knew that was not going to happen – but he is hustling me emotionally, not sexually, and he is sloppy about it. Yet, I keep cooperating to too high a degree. I told him to go away, but he came back and apologized then did it all over again. I find that I am weak with him, I sincerely wanted to help him out (but not as a sugar daddy) and now, I just want out. I cant find the energy or words. I saw how weak I was when he came back. I admit that I have been a loner as an adult, and a workaholic, and I do not find his company unpleasant; still, he is 17 years younger than I am. I can’t say my motivations are 100% nonsexual — I’d like to say that, because it isn’t going to happen – I’d be very concerned about diseases, and he obviously isn’t interested in that. I am the easiest “john” he’s ever had to “screw over.” without screwing. It’s ridiculous. I am a professional. However, I am dumbstruck. I am inclined to just cut him off completely, coldly, immediately, and not make myself available again given my weakness for him. Do you agree?

    • Renee July 25, 2009, 5:10 pm

      Yeah, you can’t help someone who obviously doesn’t want to help themselves. Obviously this person has many issues in their life and I don’t think you can fix it. Also, as someone who has cheated, manipulated and used people all their lives, it’s safe to say he’s just using you too.

      If you’re spiritual, you can pray that he sorts his life out and ‘finds himself’ but since it’s doing so much harm to you, you should cut off all contact and move on.

      I wish you all the best, hope it all works out!

  • Lala August 6, 2009, 2:09 am

    Nice article and really relevant to people’s behavior these days.

  • Junnie April 23, 2010, 9:58 pm

    Great article, kudos on that.

    Toxic friends are horrible. But sometimes in a friendship when both sides are being toxic friends to each other, you can’t really blame each other.
    It’s not that you are not good or I am not good, it’s just that we need to let go & move on. Simple as that.

    Good luck on your friendship & have a good life, da *winks*

  • Nice girl May 5, 2010, 4:39 am

    Wow I really love your work on here! Your blog is so helpful to so many people out there including myself:) I agree with you that for true beauty inside and out, it’s not only what you eat, what products we use on our face or how much sleep we get but also the people that surround us. If they are negative, then good luck on sustaining beauty and happiness… Great point! It’s been easy for me to let go of a lot of negative people who consume energy. However, there has always been this one person in my life whom i grew up with and it’s a little more difficult trying to “cut them out”. I would say she’s a bit of a draining vampire and if given the chance she could talk for hours daily! (I have tested it before). Getting rid of annoying people daily is easy but what if a person has been there since you were born? How do you cut these people off from your life? it’s a little harder I think. I don’t think you can just be like seee ya laterz! (well some people can) but they should get some explanation no? I have tried to hint it but it’s not use. I have gotten guilt trips and little manipulating ways for me to give in to what she wants me to do and then I feel so shitty after when i think back. In that moment though I feel like I am the bad guy!!!! I am tired of being the nice girl.

    Any advice would be nice.

  • Lia January 17, 2011, 8:09 pm

    Great advice! I know people like that right this moment.I hear from them when they have a problem because apparently I’m a good psychologist,unpaid that is with no background at college in the subject yet people think I can help them.I have so many of my own problems now like having to move and money that work takes up all my time.

    I have new friends now and we get along better than the ones I knew in the past from high school.My new friends and I will talk about problems but we don’t saturate one another with the problems,whereas the high school people NEVER seen to solve their problems and they can’t figure out how to do anything on their own.

    My new friends and I are interested in fun things like horse riding,traveling,going to historical sites.
    The high school people seem to drudge up sad stuff that happened to them ages ago,or who did what to whom.I’m tired and can’t help everyone all the time.Oh yes and also they call after months and only call when they have a problem.

  • Jenna January 25, 2011, 1:44 pm

    I’m going thru some pretty intense friend stuff right now with 2 girlfriends ive been friends with for almost 7 years. For the majority of those years I was the 5th wheel to them and their boyfriends and was the lonely loser that would only be wanted if they were bored. I was the butt of every joke and my deepest secrets were spoken about at the dinner table with the rest of her arrogant family.

    I only have pleasant memories of what used to be. Everything from my age personality outlook and interests have changed and I feel they are stuck in the past. Ive found a love and a happiness that has showed me the difference between a good and a bad relationship and the way a person is supposed to treat you.And has also given me the power to say i have the right to be fully happy!

    They havent picked up on the fact that things have changed between us. They don’t accept the fact that not all friendships are meant to last and I no longer find them fun to be with or funny to watch.

    They are harassing me to the point of threatening to let out my most ugliest secrets. Im doing the coward approach because I dont feel strong enough to just say fuck off. ive deleted facebook and am considering changing my number.
    I dont know what else I can do to just get them to leave me alone.

    • Nice girl January 25, 2011, 6:59 pm

      When you say harass you, can you be more specific in what they do? It’s hard to let go at times because we feel comfortable in situations that have dragged on a long time and don’t realize we have changed and the compatibility no longer exists. People do it all the time remaining in that “safe zone” whether it’s a job, a partner or a friend.” These people are obviously draining out your energy so for your well-being, what I would first suggest is to stop telling them your secrets in the first place! They are holding this against you from the looks of it making you all chained up. They seem like the type of people that will use your weakness against you to so maybe things will get worse if you tell them how you feel They obviously deserve each other so I think It is best you slowly cutt them off just by telling them you’re busy and avoiding to call them back. If they have the balls (pardon my language) to expose your secretes and harass you they also don’t deserve you respect back a.k.a IGNORING THEM COMPLETELY! Are you obligated to call? Find people who store the energy back in your life and make you feel good about yourself. They just love to steal your power and it’s working the more you stay. Get rid of them quick! Good luck.

      Peace & Love,

      • Jenna January 26, 2011, 2:52 am

        So far as harassing goes… they call constantly to yell and use hurtful words, they text everyday, they put posts on facebook and talk to people i know about me, Im just waiting for when they show up to my house.
        And Thats exactly it! they use my weakness against me. After so long of not saying anything thy dont feel like they are responsible in anyway for the deterioration of this friendship. I dont want to fix it I just want to forget them. but they feel they have to punish me for walking away.

        Thank you so much. slowly but surely I am finding it in me to let go and get this awful feeling inside of me out for good!

        • Nice girl January 26, 2011, 4:28 am

          You will only fix things that you care about. This friendship has already deteriorated. If you cringe at the thought of them texting or calling then forget it, this is not a friendship. Don’t feel guilty that you’re a bad friend because i’v gone through that since many of my friends had high demands from me like calling back when I hate talking on the phone. If it’s an emergency I just say now, call the police lol. I’m very firm with people now and I won’t bend backwards for anyone but myself and my loved ones. Anyways,your friends seem very feisty so to avoid any revengeful actions or whatever, I suggest you make a graceful exit lol No hurt words or anything. You stand on a higher pedestal and your soul is yearning for growth to meet more people while they stay doomed with themselves lol they’ll probably backstab each other one day anyway and come back to you again but you won’t be there! HA! lol Leave now that it’s early. If you need more advice let me know girl.

          • Jenna January 27, 2011, 12:29 am

            It’s never been more clear to me then after reading that. You only fix the things you care about, I couldnt have epressed it better myself.

            Thank you a millions time! sometimes it takes takes the words of someone not in the situation at all do make you really understand:)

            Peace and love to you nice girl!

  • Nice girl January 26, 2011, 4:37 am

    The worst part about toxic friends I think are the guild trips.

    Friend: “But I would do that for youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu”

    Me: “well… you’d be wasting your time then:D”

  • A Mom January 27, 2011, 12:52 am


    I’m much older than you and probably older than anyone who has ever visited this site. I was doing a search on friendships, and came across this article and follow-up posts.

    Jenna, listen. The next time this group of thugs sends you an unwanted text, email, or phone call, tell them to stop, politely. Keep it calm. Then document this by printing off the emails, texts, etc which shows how you’ve reasonably requested no contact.

    If they don’t stop, get a restraining order. Every city has an office that handles these things.

    The harassment you’re experiencing is against the law. You should be able to easily get a restraining order against these little beasts. I’m not sure what private information they have that you’re concerned about, but getting a restraining order is an extremely humiliating experience that will stay on their records forever.

    Take good care of yourself.

  • Nanci February 15, 2011, 4:15 am

    Very helpful article. I have recently gone through a “break up” with a toxic friend. The trouble is she is very vindictive and pissed off because I chose to quit being her doormat, and whenever I run into her somewhere (school events, etc.) it is very awkward. I have tried to be cordial with her, but she is the type that if I can’t be her best friend, then I am her enemy. I don’t want to be enemies, but she is forcing that situation.
    Anybody have any similar situations they could share? I have no idea how to deal with this person…or should I just ignore her when I see her in public?
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

    • Nice girl February 17, 2011, 2:39 pm

      I’m sorry i get so frustrated with these situations but when the crap did friendship have obligations and strict rules? A friend doesn’t have to be there 24/7. A friend is there to share good memories with and talk about life at times or when you need a shoulder to cry on once in a while…(I REPEAT ONCE IN A WHILE) lol but some people abuse this and misunderstand the true meaning of friendship. Im not saying there’s a right or a wrong way but there is a way that works for you best. The one thing I can say is if your feeling pressure and threatened then your dealing with a bully. Not a friend!

      I would just tell her to dip. Leave gracefully and keep mentioning slowly that your busy with school or your mom or boyfriend (they hate those). Your not the one that’s weird. Your too nice girl! If you have it up to here and want to tell her straight up, I would just say “If I have to choose all or nothing with you then it’s going to be nothing because I can’t give you my all. Sorry! Lets stay acquaintances yahhhh?:)”

      Much love and luck.

      • Nanci February 17, 2011, 7:48 pm

        Thanks for your advice, Nice Girl. I’m gonna try my best to get rid of her! I have friends who DO treat me decent, so why should I waste my time on that selfish witch?!

  • Nikkie February 17, 2011, 12:33 am


    I am doing a piece of coursework on “toxic friendships”, does anyone know any other names for toxic friendships, other than friend poaching and where I can find any research into toxic friendships. I need to know why we decide to be friends with these people and how much these toxic friendships can actually change our lives.

    Would be really grateful if anyone knew any of the answers to these questions.

    • Nice girl February 17, 2011, 2:27 pm

      Hey Nikkie,

      I’v always battled with this question too and I have some Ideas on “why”. Oh yes, and another name for them would be energy vampires or just plain leeches. LOL Anywhoo, Iv always struggled with this one person my entire life. She was very controlling and manipulative. What’s worst was that she was not just a friend but a family friend so I would eventually bump into her after our mini fights and here I go back again with the negative and draining cycle. That is, until I grew some (ehem) balls and told her to scram as I got older and less stupid. However, this relationship did teach me to notice the same pattern in others so I can stay away and it helped me to warn others too! Iv helped like 2 or 3 friends stand up for themselves so far with a toxic friend. It’s funny now, because I can usually tell who would be toxic just from their Aura and the structure in their face. So really, I thank that person in my life for making me more wise and intuitive. I also believe in past lives and that these people might come to us because we have unfinished business from another life. Ya never know really! Maybe we tortured them? But still…it don’t mean you gotta stay haha. Again with the whole Aura concept. Some people just have a darker aura and need some light. So they feed off of it when they meet us because they start feeling good all of a sudden and that they can take some power from us. Meh! those are my little ideas so far. Hope I helped:) Good luck!

  • Nicola April 19, 2011, 5:44 pm

    Do people who give you the silent treatment also classify as toxic friends?? Please help !! Am so disturbed over my “toxic?” friend..?
    I met this guy 1.5 years back at work. He was the one who first approached me and wanted to get to know me. Initially I was reluctant, however, time passed by and I really felt like I connected with him and we became friends. As time went by, he was giving me all the signs of being in love with me (like sending a romantic love poem and flirting with me while we are chatting) and I started to fall in love with him. As we both come from 2 different religious backgrounds I knew that marriage would not be possible. One day I just blurted out to him, that I can’t stop thinking about him and I love him but I’m scared that there may not be any future. He listened to me and told me to give him some time to reply. The next day he told me that he thought of me only as a friend and has no feelings for me. I was shattered and I cried the whole night. The following day at work he sent me a very romantic song with lyrics that went like “you have given me a lot of pain that only you can cure and so on and so forth”. It was in a language that I couldn’t understand(Hindi) and he asked me specifically if I understood the lyrics. I replied that I didn’t understand. Time passed by after that (around 7 months) and we were good friends. We used to go out together and so on. He used to ping me daily and send mails etc. But always I felt he never opens himself to me. It’s always I who talks openly to him and tells him my feelings and so on. He is very quiet, most of the times. (I know deep down that maybe he has an inferiority complex about himself. It never bothered me because all I wanted to do was to make him happy.)
    As I mentioned we used to spend time with each other, going for movies, dinners, etc, during which times I used to feel that he actually had some feelings for me. Things were fine except that whenever we go out together, he used to keep majorly checking out other women all the time and telling me that “hey ..this girl is cute,that girl is cute” and so on. Though it didn’t affect me initially I started feeling that maybe he does not love me or find me attractive. Hence, eventhough I was still good friends with him, I started going out with another guy, whom my friend didn’t like at all. He got so angry that he stopped speaking with me for 4 months. I sent him so many mails, called him so many times, but he never picked up. Finally after 4 months he replied to a message I sent on Facebook. He said that we can give it another shot at being friends. I was ecstatic and I agreed!!
    After that we used to go out only occasionally (mostly I initiate it ) he doesn’t ping me or mail me like before. When I pointed out to him that he has to open his mouth and talk to me, if we were friends. He said that he just been busy lately. And out of the blue one day he invited me over to his place to watch a movie with him. That day he kissed me and touched me very passionately. Being already In love with him, I could hear the angels sing. ? He cooked lunch for me and then at the end of the day he came and left me home. The problem is after that, again after that is his unbearable silence. He has not contacted me or mailed me. It’s been 2.5 weeks since that day and he has still not contacted me. Most of the times I feel like I’m just spending my time waiting for him. I don’t know what to do!! Do you think I have waited long enough for him and I should just move on..? what should I do, should I continue being friends with him or shd I just cut him from my life..?

    • Renee April 19, 2011, 9:56 pm

      Oh my goodness Nicola… I’m sorry this has happened to you. Two words: DITCH HIM. He sounds like bad news.

      • Nicola April 20, 2011, 4:35 pm

        Yes Renee..I know deep down that I’m not going anywhere with this guy and I just have to let him go and move on..:(

  • Nice girl April 20, 2011, 5:05 am

    Wow, sounds like a typical young male syndrome.
    You are right though with some of the points you mentioned. You know the truth deep down. It wouldn’t work down the road so he’s Mr. Right…now! As I was reading, this guy sounds like a few boys i’v come into contact with…

    1. He has Insecurity issues
    2. He’s young and is confused with what he wants
    3. He is scared of commitment so he stays in the “friends zone” to leave things open.
    4. He likes what he can’t have

    I can tell this guy needs to fill some void because he probably didn’t receive love from one of two parents or both. So, he is the truth and it’s very simple. He does have feelings for you but he’s going to drive you nuts with his complexities. He came back to tell you he didn’t have feelings because you told him how you feel but he only heard “it won’t work down the road”, part so to be “the man” and have the upper hand in the scenario, he comes back with an even worse reply that will crush you even more. It’s the ego at work. Don’t get so confused with what he says and follow your gut. With so much training and observing the male over the years, Iv come to notice it’s just an act they put on. But still, this is boys we’re talking about and not real men. I am just making this clear. It’s totally up to you though and how you feel. You can keep him as a friend and go through these beautiful feelings but block his way of hurting you and at the same time have your eye for someone new (which takes a lot of strength) OR if your feelings are way to strong and you can’t function, you need to move on even if it’s loosing him as a friend. See it as an experience and look forward to your growth.

    Honestly, I know you might care but it might save you time and tears for the long haul. You can’t be friends with someone you are in love with unless you are both willing to be in the relationship. Don’t put so much work into it if he’s being a lazy ass. Remember, it takes two to tango! Please take it from someone who’s been in these games since 16 years old. I am now 23 and I regret being caught up in this dudes web for the past 6 years. It really keeps you from seeing any opportunities so, get rid of this dude fast. You might use the phrase, “well, I haven’t met anyone better so far”, but that’s only because you’re blinded by him. You need to get closure by letting him know it won’t work and cut him loose. He’s going t try and make you stay by being all enchanting and passionate with you and you will always fall back but then the misery begins. Just saying…I know how this works. It’s going to be a “yo-yo” relationship. You should also take a look about what you want. Maybe you are scared too? It goes both ways.

    Good Luck!

    • Nicola April 20, 2011, 4:55 pm

      Nice girl.. just reading your post makes me feel so much better..u can really understand whtat I’m talking about..
      and what you mentioned is soo true..especially the part abt him driving me nuts with his complexities..Thank you so much for the support..I think I’ll sleep better tonight..:)

      • Nice girl April 21, 2011, 4:59 am

        I am very happy to have helped you out. You are not alone in this you must know, so rise above the problem and tell the woman that’s emerging within that things will turn out for the better. Challenges happen in order for awakening to come about. You are learning what YOU want as well so everything is happening in perfect timing. Just accept what life throws at you. If you can deal with it, great! If there is no hope…farewell my friend, farewell! If you need more advice, drop me a line any time girl!

        Most importantly, get your beauty sleep:)

  • Elle April 27, 2011, 11:51 pm

    Hi Renee,

    I found both comfort in reading your artical as I just went through this with my bestfriend of 5 years. I got engaged in December of 2009 to my boyfriend of 6 years, I asked my bestie to be my MOH in the wedding which she was totally ‘excited’ about.. Though thinking back now, to when I first asked her, something different pops into my mind that wasn’t her being happy for me moving forward into a new stage in life.. “It feels like i’m loosing my bestfriend.” were her exact words. She has always been the type to jump from boyfriend to boyfriend, sleep with random guys (who often, have girlfriends) and have this need for attention for any guy, anywhere (always wanting what she couldn’t have and once she got them…moving onto the next person).. I on the other side have always been a loyal girlfriend with a the same guy for a long time.
    In January of 2010 she introduced me to a guy she was interested in.. He was a nice guy but she had already slept with and dated 2 of his close friends. She decided right then she was going to try and make this one work and in April of 2010 they started dating… and the ditching began..
    She actually left myself and another friend in her car for over an hour and a half while she “went in to say goodbye to her boyfriend” and when she came back to the car and myself and the other friend were clearly annoyed.. she said “it was only 15 mins.” These types of situations continued on for months until finally I decided I would stop making plans with her as she always ditched or could only offer me 20 mins of her time before jetting back to be with her boyfriend. In July of 2010 she told me that myself and my now, husband that we better get on trying to have kids because herself and her BF were going to start trying… My response was “Why dont you get to know eachother first.. you have only been together since April.” I decided in July, I was going to get a psychic reading.. I knew I didn’t want to ask about my friendship with her because I wasn’t ready to accept that it needed to be over. When I had my reading the psychic looked at me and said “You’ve got a bestfriend that needs a swift kick in the ass, she doesn’t treat you well and shes going to continue to hurt you until you cut off contact with her.. Shes not happy for you and she doesn’t want good things for you and shes trying to rush things with a guy in her life to try and ‘catch up’ with you.”.. I was completely disturbed by this ‘advice’ that I didn’t ask for and decided I was going to be more aware of how I was being treated and say something rather than just brushing it off. Ditching and bad treatment continued up until September 2010, when she told me she was pregnant.. I guess because I didn’t pop a bottle, light a cigar and drop off a diaper tower.. I wasn’t happy for her in her eyes.. Though I cried for her and said I was happy I still asked her what any good friend would.. “What are you going to do?” (She lives at home with her parents struggling to make ends meet. infact she was crying 2 weeks prior to this that she didnt have enough money to make her car payment for the month).. I was concerned as any good friend would be. After 2 weeks of attacking txt msgs from her accusing me of not being happy for her I decided to ignore her.. She then went to her family and had them attack VIA facebook.. making nasty posts about me and status updates.. (her sister, who is 25 yrs old went so far as to say she was going to one punch me and her 50 year old mother went on to support that comment).. I deleted all family members off of my FB except her.. Hoping that maybe we could just be civil to eachother, say hi when we see eachother but not be bestfriends like we once were. With my wedding quickly approaching I knew that I no longer would be paying for her trip to my destination wedding and moved on asking my younger sister to stand up for me instead. She continued to try and contact me VIA txt msg and so one day in Dec 2010 I gave her the option to meet with me and we could try to talk it out and say what we needed..”Im busy”.. she wanted to talk but she was too busy.. She was just so busy that this friendship she was crying over all the time wasn’t important enough to leave her boyfriends side and meet with me for half an hour.. She also said that herself and her boyfriend didn’t understand why I stopped talking to her..(of course he doesn’t know why.. he doesnt know she ditched my graduation from college to go see him or my sisters graduation that she agreed she would go to.. or all the shopping trips, coffee dates, lunch dates and everything in between she had bailed on combined with her lack of help, excitement and enthusiasm with her bestfriends wedding) I do think he must know about the bitchy status updates about me and her sisters and mothers invovlement in the whole situation. In March 2011 I got married and had a beautiful wedding… The next day I woke up.. got on FB and deleted her feeling she didn’t need to see photos from my wedding.. It was the first time I finally decided I was ready to move on.
    Since ending my friendship with her all of my relationships with other friends and family members as well as my new husband have improved so much.. I’ve had many people come to me and say how glad they are I am not friends with her anymore.
    I am not the type of person that likes any fighting or bad blood between people.. I would almost rather brush it off than deal with it. After 5 years in a toxic friendship.. I am finally able to see the light and now know I am so much better off not being friends with this person. I do have days when I really miss her and want to contact her again but I have to continue to remind myself of all the hurtful things she did to me.

    Sorry for the long post.. (I skipped a lot of details, I swear)

  • Nice girl April 28, 2011, 3:56 am


    Wow it is a good thing you let that go. The friendship was unbalanced. Clearly you were putting in more effort. I am still so shocked about what the psychic said. Just wondering if you can tell me where she is located! haha. I may drop by for a reading! That’s why they are good because you don’t have to ask the question. They just see the issue bothering you! Well, at least you had a man by your side. Try having a best friend act like your boy-friend! Now, that’s wierd haha

  • Elle April 28, 2011, 6:01 am

    Nice Girl,

    I was so shocked by my reading as well!.. Such an eye-opening experience. (also my first reading)
    The reading I had done by this Lady has been 100% accurate, so far. I also was able to get a recorded tape of our reading and I have since gone back to listen to it serveral times here is the link to her site… http://www.aukeera.com I live in her city so I did an in-person reading however, I know she does do over the phone readings as well.

    Unbalanced- right on the money!… A lot of taking.. No giving.
    I think what disgusts me the most is her families involvement.. I never once brought anyone else into our situation yet, her adult sister and her mother got right in the middle acting like 13 yr old bullying girls.
    Ah, some peoples kids.

    • Nice girl April 28, 2011, 1:12 pm


      I totally get what you mean. I really hate the family pressure and I had it on both sides hers and mine since this person was pretty much a family friend. But, you gotta do what’s right for you because in the end your her friend and others just go about minding heir own lives until the next drama. It’s just sad, people want to be a part of something because they are so bored. Just be firm and positive and don’t give in to the fights. Say you both we’ll deal with it and it’s no one else’s business. Your life should be much better without her. It wasn’t a true friendship. It sounded like a competition but the only person playing was her. You prolly felt so suffocated. I hope you are happier now!

      Thanks for the website;)

  • Lis May 26, 2011, 3:16 pm

    I disagree that, in the case of toxic people, deciding never to speak to them ever again and acting on it is cowardly. Especially when those same toxic people make it their mission to destroy somebody’s life because of jealousy, chronically deplete the energy and self-esteem of the people that are trying to support them and help them, and are too self absorbed to see that they are doing so. We can’t always end potentially abusive friendships/relationships “nicely” or in a civil manner, especially when on some level the toxic person knows what they’re doing and is a master manipulator. Not every situation that involves toxic friendships/relationships is the same and labeling potential solutions/protection measures with negative connotations such as “cowardly” does not help anyone nor solve the problem.

  • Allison July 7, 2011, 12:39 am

    I am going thru the same thing right now.. I have been ignoring her for days now but she keeps texting me and calling trying to figure out why I am ignoring her. I know I should tell her but I just dont know how. She uses me and everyone around her for everything. She isn’t helping her self make a better life and I dont want to live like that anymore. I want a better life and I know I can get it if shes not in my life. I hate it because I enjoy helping others but its hard when they don’t want to help themselves and just want to use me for everything.

    • Nice Girl July 7, 2011, 5:27 am


      You must weigh your options. If you feel like something can be worked on in this friendship then fix it. Nothing is evever perfect. However, if the person is dragging you down with them, number one that’s selfish and yes, they are using you inorder to feel better about themselves and secondly it’s a drain of energy for both. It’s a toxic friendship because you are not “feeling” it so you’ll be doing her a favour and maybe giving her the opportunity to soul search. It is dangerous to remain friends with the feelings you are carrying. It happens everyday. Kinda like romantic relationships. It also depends how long you were friends. You can just ignore her or you can tell her you no longer feel you value the same things and you lost things in common. You are growing. Good for you!

    • Aria March 4, 2014, 7:53 pm

      Invent another “friend” and write a letter / message to your bugbear as “them”, expressing what you feel, as if they were talking about you. It is easier that way and less personal.

  • Sam July 20, 2011, 8:39 pm

    How do you get rid of a toxic friend if my eight year old child is her child’s best friend?!!

    • Nice Girl July 26, 2011, 3:40 am


      I am curious. How did you realize that this friend is toxic to your daughter and what are some of the things she has done? The most you can do is ask your child how she is feeling with this friend and guide her for taking appropriate steps. Not to be aggressive but assertive. If you tell off her friend for her, she might not be able to stand up and deal with similar situations in the future. Let her stand her ground even though she is young. She will come across many people like that in her lifetime. The best is to start early!

  • Nicky August 15, 2011, 10:55 pm

    “Or, never speak to them again.

    This is the coward approach”

    No. This is the best thing you can do rather than listen them trying to justify thier bullshit and rekindlle the friendship with a pack of lies and deceit. They won’t change so it is pointless listening to them. Why would you want to listen to a toxic friend’s bullshit or waste more pointless time with thew anyway.It also gives you a good feeling that you are treating them with the contempt they showed you.

  • Cathy September 16, 2011, 2:35 pm

    Wow, I’m glad I found this article. i was dumped by this friend years ago and she contacted me last year through FB.. She would constantly talk about going out and then cancelled, but I understood since she was going through alot with a son who was recovering from cancer. Finally, after a year of cancellations we went out three times.

    I would not hear from for a month or so or she would deactivate her FB account not telling me because she was mad at some guy she was “seeing” if you could call it that. I would think she defriended me till she told me one day when I finally asked. I got used to her fits of doing this.

    She posts pics of all the swimming parties she’s had at her house and not once was I ever invited. it was only when she was mad at some guy friend she would want to go out somewhere and then she would be sulky all night.

    The last straw was yesterday when I saw I was being manipulated. She wanted to come over and watch movies so we could talk, and then started getting around to bringing some man to my house I don’t even know, and she never even mentioned before. I can only figure out she wanted to take pictures to post on her wall like she did the last time we were out so her male friend would see the photos of her posing with men (gay friends by the way, but he doesn’t know this) and get jealous like he did last time. She used to keep me online reading walls of the women she thinks he was seeing and asking me what I thought. She thinks every woman in the general area where he lives is after him, and is a “skank” or one of his “whores”.

    I texted her and told her I couldn’t have any company I was busy and had to work late that night. She is on FB all night and sleeps all day while I have to work.

    It’s partly my fault for boosting her up everytime like I’m her therapist. Not anymore. After an anxiety attack this morning over all her drama, enough is enough. She was exactly like this 12 years ago, and I can’t help someone like this who won’t help themselves. At 51, she isn’t going to change. There’s alot more to her complex life situation, but it’s too long to go into. I’m done.

  • Nice girl September 17, 2011, 1:02 am

    To Cathy,

    You are right at 51 she won’t change. I am curious how old you are as well? And let me tell you, toxic can have a certain on your mood or energy levels and annoy you, but if it came to a point where the woman gave you an actual anxiety attack, then you’ve got a mental serial killer on the loose! LOL I would have ran away long time ago. No one should make you feel that way. You were a Nice Girl like I was. You bent over backwards and forgot to do a favour for yourself. She drained your energy. It’s not that she’s scared of every girl…she’s scared of the guy and most importantly scared of herself. She is insecure in her own body. With so much negativity, and I don’t wish any disease on anybody but she probably made herself sick! You need to let her deal with her issues. You do your own thing.

    Good luck and repeat a daily affirmation to yourself: ” I am a beautiful soul and I deserve to be around positive like minded people such as myself.”

  • Cathy September 17, 2011, 6:03 pm

    Hi, Nice Girl,

    I’m 46 years old. You hit the nail on the head, she isn’t comfortable in her own body. It’s a shame, because she’s had numerous plastic surgeries, and still hates herself, and is constantly fishing for compliments, and I used to always boost her up.

    I think she’s noticed the change in me right away, and texted me to call her. So I did and explained to her again, no, I don’t want to go out tonight, I’m tired after a long work week and want to spend time with my baby girl. I had a second baby almost two years ago. When you go out with this woman all she does is text on her phone. I never saw a person so addicted to texting for hours.

    She then texted me again, and asked, “Are you mad at me”? I guess she’s in shock, because I didn’t accommodate her and actually told her “no”.

    thanks for responding. You’re so right, most people wouldn’t put up with it, and I won’t anymore. If she dumps me again, it’s no big loss. I only hear from this woman when she’s going through a personal crisis with a man, and for some reason, she thinks I have the answers when I haven’t dated in 20 years and consider myself an old married woman..lol

  • Nice girl September 18, 2011, 12:50 am


    Good for you! I am only 24 and I feel the way you do with the dating. You’re the type of person who values meaningful relationships and likes when the universe takes its course to make you fall in love or anything else. Dating can feel like interviews at times. I think its forcing something to be honest and it seems very superficial to me. That’s just my opinion! Of course she feels even worst now after plastic surgery. She was trying to feel a void the whole time by “fixing” herself but only realized now or is realizing, it’s the inside what shines through to make you beautiful and it’s eating her alive. Surgery causes more issues in the long run with self esteem because if someone doesn’t like you, then you start wondering if it’s the surgery or the personality? Would he have liked me before the surgery maybe?. SO much thinking! You get worried about DOUBLE. At least, if you had your own unique look you can say to yourself “Meh, What the heck! this is the real me. This is how nature made me so who i’ll come across someone with the same views and likes me for me. At least then, you can focus more on changing some attitude, if it hasn’t been treating you well in the past.

    It’s very simple. Both of you have different lifestyles and she probably wonders deep down why you don’t worry about the things she does. Maybe you are in her life to guide or advise her if you somewhat care about the friendship. If not, you are both hanging on to something that has passed and people do change so time to go about with your own life. You’re a mother now so you are on another level she won’t understand unless she’s been there done that.

    Hope that helps!

  • Skye February 24, 2012, 4:28 am

    Thank you for this very much it helped me get away with my jerky friend Addison.

  • James February 25, 2012, 7:59 pm

    i have a friend that perfectly fits the description of a ” toxic Friend”. Because we are BESTFRIENDS its so hard to just ignore them and drift apart, especially when we are in the same group. I just do NOT need that one person in my life right now manipulating and lying to me and the rest of my friends. I have stuck by her for a lot of things. but everytime i try to part off she does the whole ” Omg you never call me.. we arnt friends admit it :'( * cry cry cry * ”

    I have other people in my life that treat me so much better, i have my real bestfriends plenty of bestfriends. i dont see why i need just one main bestfriend ! and if i EVER call anyone else my bestfriend? i get in soooo much trouble ! i want to find away to get rid of this one that is holding me down from living my life. i wouldnt mind staying civil but thats it. ???????????????????????????????????????????????????/

  • HELP!!!!!! March 1, 2012, 2:00 am

    i have a best friend in my class but i dont like her she is a lyer,backstabber,double crosser and i have tried to ignore her but she does not get the piont i need serios help please.

  • Nadia March 7, 2012, 12:51 pm

    My friend is really rude to me for like a past week and I feel really stressed idk what I did at all I have texted her 3 times saying are u mad at me I’m sorry all on separate days not one response I got an I’m pissed I feel like she is turning everybody against me and I feel like crying sometimes I sometimes get so stressed that I live home early from school just because of that I feel like its ruining my life in middle school I have never wanted to switch or move schools but seriously I want to so badly now and that’s not a good thing she leaves me out of the group I feel like she talks about me and turning everyone against me I feel like crying and I hate that because my friends are taking control of my life any advice guys this is urgent

  • Alexandra April 2, 2012, 5:20 am

    I’ve always known there was something off about my toxic best friend but couldn’t pinpoint it. Many times I thought it was me being overly sensitive but recently have come to the realization that it is not my sensitivity. It’s her insensitivity and selfishness that poisoned our friendship. She never seemed happy for me when something good happened, but she seemed extra friendly when I was enduring something bad. After years of knowing this was not normal, I have finally decided to walk away. I was afraid to walk away for fear that she’d feel I abandoned her. I no longer care how she feels. If I cannot feel sympathy and compassion for a friend, there’s no point in continuing a friendship.

    • Aria March 4, 2014, 7:58 pm

      My mum is the same way, luckily we live 4 hrs from each other, I call her out of formality these days, am as civil as possible and she has finally got the message!!

  • some sad girl April 30, 2012, 4:47 am

    Wow. This really opened my eyes. There are two “mean girls” at my school. I will call one the gossiper and the other drama girl. The gossiper is a girl who only talks to me if i know something.if i ask her anything else she will be really rude about it. Then one day she talks behind a girls back and the next they are friends. This happens all the time between drama girl and her. On top of that she loves to back stab and tell “jokes” about you when its only reallly embarssing moments. The drama girl turns everyone againt you and tries to act innocent about it if you talk to her ex boyfriends. Then she lies. She will only talk to me if shes upset. These girls are both of my friends i guess. I have only so many friends and these girls think they run the school. Our school is really small too. If drama girl and gossip girl see that your prettier than them they will stare you down and say mean things. Help. They are ruining my life and i want out! I dont want to be loooked at as a mean girl. In only have 6 true friends. If im mean to them they will be ten times more rude, gossipy, and snobby.

  • Katy May 31, 2012, 12:59 am

    Thanks, this has helped alot! I have a friend who I have known for nearly 12 years but I’ve recently realised that she is a “toxic friend”. I’ve always been in her shadow, she always has to be in the limelight and her problems have to be more important than mine. She’s always flirting with the guys I like and once she even went out with one of them! I’ve realised I need to cut her out of my life, so thanks for the tips on how!

  • Georgia Matsell June 1, 2012, 1:06 am

    I have these friends who bitch all the time about each other and they just stress me out and I’m tired of it and feel like screaming shut up!!! They’re 12 year old girls so not sure if talking out will work so I might. E friendly but sort of avoid them.

  • Julianne June 1, 2012, 12:15 pm

    I am 15 years old. I have a friend who I feel the need to just end it with, but if I do, I might lose a bunch of other friends in the process.
    Lets call this girl Hannah. Hannah and I have been cheering on the same squad for a year now, and by October of last year we were the best of friends and were inseparable. We talked on the phone for hours, found every reason to hang out together, and tried to spend as much time together. I had always felt like she was less mature than me, and that she was hypocritical at times, but she was still pleasant.
    In January, one of our cheer captains moved to a different town, and our coach had us elect another captain to take her place. Hannah was elected.
    Hannah had always wanted to be cheer captain, she likes to be in control of things. And she had always talked about how she wanted to be one of those “popular people” but she didn’t want it that bad. Well after she became captain, she became vile. She talked bad about everyone, and then turned around and acted all “best friend” with them. It got really annoying, and made me start to think “Maybe she does that to me..” and I wouldn’t be surprised if she did. And also she claims to hate drama, but she feeds it, and makes drama worse, and she her excuse is “Some people need to bitched out sometimes, because Im only saying the truth.” and then she talks down to a lot of people, just because she knows they don’t like her, then she calls me up crying that people don’t like her, and sometimes I just feel like saying “I wonder why..”
    She is also very jealous, she gets mad at me whenever i apparently “ditch” her when I hang out with other people, even though she hangs out with a billion other claimed “best friends” that she tells me that she finds annoying.
    Then when we get in arguments, she ALWAYS has to be right. Even if I’m just trying to say how I feel about something, she just takes it as I’m trying to be rude and trying to hurt her feelings and she gets in my face about something that wasn’t that big of a deal in the first place.
    A few weeks ago, we got in a fight, and it led to us practically ending our friendship because I had just gotten so fed up with it, and I know she went around telling her other friends how much of a bad person I was, even though I never said a word to anyone besides my sister. And now Hannah and I are friends again, but even how much she has apologized to me, she hasnt changed one bit, and I just feel like that her bad reputation will drag mine down too, and I don’t want to be the “Mean Girl’s Puppy” I want people to like me because I’m nice, not hate me because Im friends with a mean girl. I just don’t know what to do. Any advice?

  • Anonymous July 20, 2012, 11:03 pm

    I have a toxic friend that I am trying to get rid of. But I am stuck. Because I really want to help and all toxic people become toxic as a shield to protect themselves. I fully understand. However, the more i try to help him, he subtly criticize every aspect of me. I am a professional artist and I am famous in my city. He has never anything good to say whenever i achieve something. He is too hard to please and he puts me down all the time.

    Sometimes i get angry and stop talking to him. But he comes around and talks as if nothing happens. HE NEVER APOLOGIZES. NEVER. He thinks its okay to come back and talk to me. Ive helped him in every way. Praised him when he did well. Sometimes, i see he mimics me. And I think he is improving. Then, he relapses back to humiliating me.

    My ego is hurt, but i believe in helping people. I took the coward approach. I am hiding from him. Because i dont want to hurt him and increase his toxicity. He suffers from rejection phobia and severe inferiority complex. I dont wish to catalyze it further. Therefore, i am running away cos he is too hard to deal with. I cant involve with anyone romantically with him on my back telling me every guy is evil. He says i am too annoyingly positive and i should accept the world is miserable. Sorry for the rant. I sound like a wet blanket case now. I am meditating and trying to be a good human. I like helping people. But we cant help everyone. True story! Great article! Bless you!

    • Aria March 4, 2014, 8:12 pm

      To be honest it sounds a bit like professional jealousy, I am also an artist and I have had several blokes feel it was their right to possess me in the way you mention, and also get incredibly jealous when I came out with music or art that was better than theirs – they can’t stand a woman doing better than them for some reason.
      Fortunately I suppose I am not going out looking for a relationship, nor a friendship either if it’s going to be low-quality. I either ignore these guys out of existence or tell them to leave me alone.

  • bad friend October 14, 2012, 6:11 pm

    i have a friend that is a jerk i keep on trying to get away from her and not talking to her but she dose not get it but when i am a round her she calls me bad things like b i ch and go away no one likes u. What should i do about it? help

    • bad friend October 14, 2012, 6:13 pm

      i mean bitch sorry for the miss spelling people i was typing to fast.

  • Robin October 27, 2012, 8:14 pm

    I just ditched my “toxic friend” last night… It was hard cause he made me feel so guilty… Thing is, he REALLY freaks me out! This thing he has for me borders on obsession, if not already well into obsession. He’s sad cause he says that no one wants to be his friend, I’m all he has that’s good in his life, he hates his family, his job, his coworkers, his life, his mind etc. Thing is, when we’re friends we talk over Facebook CONSTANTLY and he’ll say things like *hugs* and *snuggles* and *Smooches your cheek* weird stuff like that ALL THE TIME. I told him before, I’m not comfortable with it…. Never stopped him. I know he has a crush on me, but I don’t and won’t like him that way. I just started dating this guy recently, and he was really jealous, didn’t want to hear about him cause it made him too say. I’ve broken off friendships with him before because he always wants to visit me more but I don’t want to see him very often cause, like I said, I’m uncomfortable even being around him half the time. He always wants me to snuggle with him, and buy me expensive things and he gets upset when I say no. We always get into the same fight but he didn’t want to let go. What scared me most, is at one point he told me to block him and said “Because I’m a bad person who would stalk you and kill your boyfriends” I hope he’s not serious, but that scares me! I can’t imagine WHAT I’d do if he actually did it… I really care about the guy I’m with, and I don’t wanna see him get hurt at all. I don’t think my “friend” has a way of finding him, at least I hope not, and he may not do anything cause I did block him and I’m going to avoid him like the plague now. I just hope he leaves me alone now…

    • Aria March 4, 2014, 8:20 pm

      No one wants to be his friend…hmmm I am not surprised!!! I have heard this before! I have had had a few creepers doing a similar thing and the way to tackle this is not give them any oxygen and/ or to not take their bait when you realize what buttons they are trying to push.
      God I wish I had Immediate Creep-Radar!!!

  • why me January 17, 2013, 12:59 pm

    i got rid of my toxic family ,and all the blood sucker friends i use to have everytime there s a new on ecoming into my life , he s as toxic as the other ones i attract them all now i m a bit more aware of them so i ditch them when they re too invasive of my privacy and want to have what i have or want to know every details of my life its so disturbing .

    is it what friends normally do wanting to know every details of your life ?if it is i am happier being ALONE .

  • help me January 24, 2013, 6:02 am

    my friend wont talk to me on the bus when shes with her other friends but once she does, its always making fun of me or talking smack about me. i keep reminding her that i wont forgive her next time but i do!!!!!!!!!!! what should i do about it?????

  • Dee January 31, 2013, 9:42 pm

    I so get this and I love the term “Toxic Friend”
    I recently ended a friendship with this guy and his wife after what I thought was a wonderful friendship but in hindsight he was a gossiper, always played the victim, and was always bad mouthing people I actually believed everything he said about how others ( mutual friends ) were nasty and threatening to him and I ended my friendships with the people thinking they were really cruel. Since my friendship has ended with the guy in question he has been continuously sending nasty vindictive text messages early hours of the morning, and the very said thing he claimed others were doing to him he is doing to me and other friends of mine who also ended their friendship. He has proved to be a nasty piece of work but do glad he’s outta my life now but I have considered reporting his text harassment to the police it’s been 5 months now and he’s still harbouring anger. I don’t respond to his messages which I think makes him more agitated I had to end my friendship with his wife too although she hadn’t done anything wrong.

  • ananimis February 15, 2013, 6:36 am

    My remedy for ridding yourself of toxic friends is move out of state. I did it years ago, and I have been happy ever since.

  • young woman March 12, 2013, 1:45 pm

    Today I just dumped my best friend, yet the most negative person on Earth ever. She was way too negative about life, every single days she just complains non stop. She’s virgin also but she never admits. I know coz I know her a long time.Her complains are: life is shit, I don’t have legal status in America, all men are assholes they just need sex, I want them to die, maybe I can never get married, never can have kids, lonely forever, can’t enjoy life, I feel like an old woman (she’s 25), bla bla bla bla. Whenever I tell her positive things she responds with negative answers. For example when I tell her you need a boyfriend to make you happy, her answer is “men just want sex they don’t need love”. When I say at least date someone for a month to see if he’s nice,her respond is “oh I don’t have money for dating”. I said men pay for date not you, she says “it’s expensive I gotta buy a dress, do my hair (by the way she’s always complaining that her hair is too thin too) everything cost money”. Yet she’s doing shopping whenever she wants. She has unrealistic expectations. She thinks she need to dress like a celebrity going for a VIP party. Nothing helps to this negative 25 years old virgin girl who has no experience in men. She doesn’t even want to admit she’s virgin although she asked me how it felt like when I had sex for the first time, and if it was painful. This woman is worst toxic I feel so down after conversating with her. Always complaining about her life without any reason made me sick and her shitty negativity affected my life too. I’m happy to tell her f*ck off. If she ever calls me or texts me again, I would just ignore. I know that things are gonna become much better after leaving this energy sucker. I’m happy after dumping her, I feel so relieved from negativity and unhappiness. If you have negative friends, don’t waste your time just tell them to get lost. It’s gonna make a big difference and brings more positivity. I already feel it. Good luck!

  • Jessie C March 14, 2013, 8:52 pm

    Thank you so much for this!

    For a long while I have been dealing with a toxic friend. At first we got on great but two months in it all fell apart.

    Now she only contacts me because she wants to get ‘smashed’. Now I do like to go out drinking but for her she constantly pushes it and spends the whole night trying to get me ‘too’ drunk. She doesn’t allow me to speak to others and when I do she comes over all loud and scares my friends off!

    And everytime she talks to me or texts me I get that gutted horrible ‘oh no not her’ feeling. Then all she does is constantly try to bring me down. Everything I say to her about my life she finds a way of making a nasty remark which makes me feel stressed out and down about myself, something a friend shouldn’t do. She even seems happy when I tell her about my current troubles and tells me useless advice like she doesn’t even know me at all. She just wants me to be like her, party too hard and latch onto her and no one else (even though she has a 5 year relationship with her boyfriend who she constantly tries to get rid of so we can get ‘smashed’), even though I have a long term boyfriend I live with.

    Currently I’m ignoring her because I can’t be bothered with it anymore. She never takes the hint. But because I have talk to her about problems in the past, I feel guilty like I’ve used her.

    I just don’t need negativity in my life anymore and life without her is so much more happier.

  • Desperate High Schooler April 10, 2013, 1:27 pm

    Hi! this is a really good article! i’m finding it hard at the moment with toxic school friends, coz you can’t really get away from them i have two, and i have both of them in one class and a separate class with each of them as well, it is very frustrating coz we have a seating plan, so we can’t move and i have to talk to them! Either that or everyone already has “their seats” in class so i can’t really sit anywhere else, help! i would love some advice, i don’t know how to get away from them without causing confrontation!

  • Lola April 11, 2013, 11:07 pm

    I have a friend who is draaaining my drrry.
    i don’t know how to deal with it.
    we had been friends for a few years, met in class. Then when things got tough in my life (like with family issues and an illness), she was no where to be found.
    I just don’t have time for bs, superficial friends at this point in my life (sorry to be harsh).

    i tried the whole ‘coward’ approach but she totally does not get the picture.

    i don’t know what to do.

    i want to end things amicably but i’m scared to tell her the truth. we have a few mutual friends as well so it could get awkward…

    great article though and thanks for sharing x

  • Rosebud1999 May 4, 2013, 9:28 pm

    Wow, so glad you have this site up because there is so much I want to say about the toxic idiots that were now I say aquaintances because I cannot stand any of them any longer because they’re all about them, them, them. Here we are as women always having great friends, a great sounding board and a good support system that women truly need. Friends are what are “supposed to be the ones you go to the make you feel good after speaking with them about problems, about good or bad things and you support them in the same way. I’ve now come to my senses and realized I picked true assholes as the so-called friends because they’re truly idiots. I look back in time from my 20’s up until now, I’m 40, just turned and I see that these idiots were the types that if you didn’t agree with them they would get pissed, that’s not a friend, once again, a huge ass! The other one huge cokehead, I don’t use drugs at all and I flushed her crap down the toilet at my house because she spent the night on the couch because she was so drunk, already got a DUI, spent 3 days in jail, wiped out a family in their car because she’s been the worst driver I’ve ever known since I’ve known her in my 20’s and she can’t drive worth a crap whether she’s straight or drunk or wasted on drugs. I don’t approve so I was the bitch.I was so sick of her crap, I ’86’d that no friendship friendship, frenemy because she’s so immature, she fucked up her life from gambling all her money away, got a divorce, had 2 kids that simply seem normal, and they made straight A’s in school and it wasn’t from her shitty mothering. She was a terrible example.She married a jerk who was a methhead. Jesus just reading this is making me sick at how I even know these losers. I killed a so-called friendship, once again I’m calling this bitch a frenemy because here I always was listening to her shit about her stupid 2 kids, kids, that are grown in their teens.. She actually believes that her 17 years old son, who is actually good looking is a virgin. R u kidding me? She sounds like she has no clue what the hell is going on around her. she’s and idiot. I try to discuss my problems or maybe what’s been going on. This bitch called me today, we started talking and she rudely started talking to someone and I kept saying hello, hello, are you there, what’s up?? all of a sudden the line went dead on her cell and I was like, who gives a shit, that was so rude, she could have at least let me know what was going on instead of rudely starting a dumb converstion to some damn teenager and once again, let me remind you, I didn’t call her,she called me. After we lost contact or the bitch hangs up on me, whichever, I could have cared less because once again I didn’t give a shit about hearing about her stupid kids again. That’s something I’m so not interested in and could care less about. She friggin calls me back and says “Oh I’m sorry, I was talking to my son and we got into a conversation,blah, blah,blah, inotherwords, I’ve heard this shit before and could give a fuck if she would have called me back or not. She As I stated I asked about working out,she says, oh I’ve decided to be one of those mothers to be there for my kids and my kid is sick, she says her daughter has cystic fibrosis, yet there are a billion of pictures of her in school, in dance classes, doing all kinds of things that are normal for any teenager to do and she’s 18 years old. I said to her “what does working out have to do with your kids?” They’re not infants, they’re grown and they do normal every day stuff and here she is talking about how a Doctor actually fired her and said he no longer wanted to treat her daughter anymore because he stated that she’s an 18 year old grown person and she refused to talk to him. I asked her what she meant by that, I first thought her daughter was really young and maybe he was asking her questions about her health and she didn’t answer him because she didn’t know how to answer the questions, but NO! she’s 18 years old and I said well maybe he’s
    upset because if he does ask her a question about how she feels and at her age she’s refusing to answer questions he’s asking her to try to help her out, the dimwit mother says. “I don’t know , she just doesn’t want to talk to him because she doesn’t like him.” I was like what?? she stated that she told the doctor, I want you to “know” my daughter, I want you to refer to her as someone you’re paying attention to. Which I clearly see he was doing just that by trying to talk to her. That stupid moron mother of hers stated that in all of his years of practicing medicine, he has never had a mother talk that way to him, so he dismissed her and said he was no longer going to take her daughter as a patient. I don’t believe it was as simple as oh I want you to know my daughter, I think she went in there with a shitty attitude, acting as if her daughter was more important than any other patient and talked down to him in a really bad way. No doctor usually does this kind of thing unless the mother or daughter who won’t even discuss her illness with her and she’s legal by age, and the idiot mother fucked it all up for her and now she no longer has the best doctor that treated her since she was a baby, her daughter for cystic fibrosis and I now see what her character is all about. We worked together years ago and I truly didn’t really like her back then, and like a fool I didn’t listen to my instinct and started talking to her on the phone, but no longer.She’s a wack job. I truly believe she has mental problems. her ex husband hates her and now I can see why. She’s an asshole. If she can treat a nice person like that, the way, rude way she treated me, I can see what she’s really all about. When she got through with her stupid long story about her damned kids again, adnauseum and she continually interrupts me when I try to get a word in edgewise, I then stated to her, I know why the doctor dropped her as a patient, you gave me an answer of ” Oh I don’t know, she does’t talk to him because she doesn’t like him??? ” okay than why the hell was her her dr for 18 years. What a load of shit. I nicely, believe it or not, but I’m so disgusted by what she’s said, what I’ve had to listen to, her strange reactions to absoute bullshit and when I brought up working out because she is/was now always complaining about her weight, I said you can’t fit in one damn hour to work out each day because you say that you choose to be a mother? What the hell does that even have to do with anything? Your kids are grown, son 19, daughter who dances, does hard physical activity and so forth and has the stupid excuse of stating that she chooses to make sure she’s there in case something happened to her. Excuses, excuses. She then stated like a stupid smart ass, “Well, you’re not a mother, so you don’t know” and I said yeah, I’m not a mother because I remember as clear as day at the age of 17, I decided that I never wanted kids. I don’t have this maternal instinct. I think the things it does to your body is so gross and I can’t stomach it. I never had the desire, don’t regret it and I truly don’t care if others have kids, I don’t want to discuss them in every damn
    conversation there is. Well she then stated, even though there was no yelling, no arguing, no nothing, says something to the effect of I have to go and she was pushing me to the point of I can’t speak to this idiot any longer, I now realize how insane she sounds, how she’s so overbearing to her kids and that she doesn’t work, relies on her ex husband for everything and so forth. I don’t want to be friends or even acquaintances any longer because in reality, this was just a drop in the bucket 0f all the insane things she’s pulled. This person now I’ve decided to take out of my life, no longer will I ever call, text, speak to her anything because she’s not a smart person, she speaks when having a conversation, as if she’s got huge mental issues. She has ADD. How many people call you and then start talking to other people in the room, the phone hangs up and I could go on and on…and once again, reminding people she called me and she called me back a second time and said she was sorry, didn’t sound like it and I have to listen to such bullshit about how her daughter is in dance, how her son is so incredible.. it’s so gross. Children, she knows I don’t much care to speak about them. She stated to me you don’t have kids and I in return stated “You bet and I still to this very day, think it was the best decision I have ever made and I will never change my mind.” She would text me saying something about them if they were giving her a problem and state, “be glad you’re not a mother.” I said you bet your ass I’m happy about that.. I don’t want them and that’s my personal decision. I see why her hub divorced her. She’s a slob. She’s a loser and I’m so glad I took her number off my cell, took her off any social networks I may have and no longer will I ever have anything to do with this narcissistic asshole that thinks her issues are more important than anyone elses and how she truly cannot be a true friend to anyone. She blows. I saw some issues like I said in the beginning that people seem to either migrate towards me that are true assholes and don’t become great friends, They’re not good people. They’re assholes. I now have made the conscious decision that I will no longer befriend or become aquaintances with people who are just so ignorant, ruin their lives, try to bring you down, get angry if you don’t agree with their opinions. Hey I’m a person as well and I have my point of view which is different from yours. I noticed that there are 2 women I was friends with that got married, they had kids, we were great friends before they got married. I really liked their husbands because they were fun and they were fun to meet out once in a while as a couple for dinner or drinks. Well after this one girl I know got married and had 2 kids that she really didn’t want, but she ended up getting pregnant and now she’s such a bitch. She’s another one that turned asshole. She had kids and suddenly her shit doesn’t stink. She had someone at this legal office we worked at together have point out to her the exact same thing I’m stating on this email. She mentioned to me that this girl had said things to her that made her angry and she stopped talking to her. Once I started speaking with her after she had her kids, I know she told her exactly as I stated I feel, she turned into psycho mom. Do other mothers think that their kids are the ONLY thing that there is to talk to about in this world and for some reason get shitty as hell when you disagree about something about them.. It’s like a cult. No thanks, no more and these people have now been written out of my life because I have friends for friendship not for being treated like dirt. So fuck them all. They’re out.. I work at a professional career and I know I’m going to find new friends. These people were wrong, disgusting and their behavior just inexcusable and I won’t ever answer the phones if their names pop up.. over and out and done being around jerks!!!!

    , so in turn he couldn’t get to the root of any problems she may .. about to be about 20 and we got to talking about working out. I said how long has it been since you’ve worked out since you stated that you had your kids and why don’t you because it’s really bad for you if you don’t ..anyone that has a half

  • Victoria June 3, 2013, 2:57 am

    I have an awful friend, Alexis, although she is not always awful to me, she is awful to her friends. An example of her being a bad friend is this, a few days every week during the beginning of school, she would offer to buy us something at shell(gas station). She has added up the money she spent on us and demands it back every day now. It’s come to be annoying. Also, an example of her being awful to her friends. Her friend snitched on some kids on the bus and now they want to beat her up. Alexis thinks that’s funny and wants to see it. Alexis often curses at her friends but if we look back at it she says that she was joking. I am sick and tired of having her as a friend but I can’t seem to shake her. The problem is our assigned seats on the bus are right next to each other. Also, the one thing I can’t stand about her is that she thinks her life is so awful when my family is struggling to pay the bills. Not only does she have a bigger phone, an Ipad, an Iphone, and a flat screen TV, but she gets an allowance of $100 a week. Does her life really sound that awful? She’s a gossiper too, it’s so annoying what she brings into conversations. Please help me, how do I ditch my toxic friend.

  • SK THE PHOENIX June 4, 2013, 9:34 am

    hello…i have a big problem and i need serious help asap…here is the story:
    im having a relationship im 23 and she is 19, we are both studiyng and working, i really love my girlfriend so much that i place her above eveything even me and she is the the Only person who deserves it , she really loves me and cares about me more than anyone in my life,its like its ment for us to be together, i care so much about this person and i now deep inside me that persons like her are very rare. the thing is that she has 2 friends. i helped these two girls so many times every damm time they had a stupid boyfriend problem they asked for my help and i helped both of them everytime, they wanted to go to many places only to see some lame guys that wont even make out with them ,we went many times for them to be happy and because i thought they were my friends ( at least thats what they said to me several times and acted as all this was true ) and for real i didnt had ever a good time with them the places that these two girls were taking us are not my taste and they knew that from the beginning..so i was their personal therapist..i was doing all i can do to have the best relations with them so i was always there for them no matter what..i really dont enjoy to say bad things about people but those two girls have so shitty characters and they are so sneaky stuck up and ironic annoying .the most toxic friennds i have ever met. me and my girlfriend are every day together and we like it we enjoy it and we are never getting enough of each other and from the time we got together we like more mature things that running from one club to the next one.so after so many months and good wil from me one of them turned against me and saying ironic quotes because we stayed at my place saturday night all together and hanged out rather that going to a damm club that thing pissed my off so badly and i felt so angry but i kept it me, after a while i drived them home and in my car were my girlfriend those two shitty girls and a third girl, so when i dropped off the first ironic toxic stuck up friend that came up to me before i started saying my oppinion about what happend and then the second one started saying so mean and stupid things that made me explode and have a big fight with her while i was driving thats when i realized what was going on. they think i took their friend away from them, and they have most of the symptoms catecories of a toxic friend almost all i can tell, the thing is that they are not good for my girlfriend and my relationship and ι want to move them away from us largely and mainly from my girlfriend not end the friendship they have just move them away largely and what i need is something smart and silent i need something without showing my involvement in this. hope someone can help me through this..

  • Rebekah June 25, 2013, 4:45 am

    Oh wow, I’m SO THANKFUL that you made this page! Your doctor may have said to you, “You can’t be everyone’s savior,” but you are for so many people struggling with “Toxic Friends” out there. I have a toxic friend… I’ve known her since we were both little, and that has been the key to our friendship. A few years ago her father passed away, and having a family consisting of 4 kids being raised by a widow, who has NO job, is not helping the matter. Her life has been somewhat of a tragedy I realized a while ago, and this has stopped me from befriending this girl. Let’s just call her Sarah… Anyways, Sarah, has a very… Strong opinion about things, I guess you could say… The other day, she started talking to me on the phone about pretty pointless stuff, but that’s not the point. I had to go on a hike the same day, but at the time I had not been notified about this by my parents. She asked if I could hang out at her house, and I agreed (not because I wanted to, because I just can’t say no to people). I asked my mom, who does not like Sarah at all because she’s extremely rude and not a good friend. My mom told me about our family hike and I later, POLITELY told Sarah I couldn’t go. To this reply, she got EXTREMELY worked up and led to her rants and angry messages towards me through Facebook. Really… She is the kind of person who expects me to just focus all of my attention onto her, when really I have no time for that at all, nor do I want to pay any attention to her. I have been wondering so long though, because I’m not sure if it’s just me, or her. Sometimes I feel like I’m too hard on her, considering her dad died… But then I remember that her personality has really always been this way. What do you think? Anyways, she has been a real burden to carry with me all of these years and I think it’s about time to let her go. Before I was old enough to have a Facebook (I am now obviously, I have been for a long time!) my mom would not let me have one. I respected my mom’s decision, but Sarah did not. With her other friend, pretty much her only other friend who likes her at all, she made me a Facebook account WITHOUT asking me or my parents. She kept it secret for a long time and went on as ME. Isn’t that some sort of crime, too? Impersonation, or something? Anyways, she later told me about it, thinking I would be happy. I know that she had good intentions, but she can’t just do things like that without my permission! Another time when we were younger, I had one of those “American Girl Dolls.” Well really, it was my sister’s. Even worse. One day she decided to take it home with her, and try some weird “treatment” to it’s hair. WHAT WAS SHE THINKING!? It ruined it’s hair and head pretty much forever and my sister and mom were NOT happy. I was the one who was blamed of course, she didn’t get in any trouble. We were the ones who had to pay to fix it, because she refused. Believe me, it was not cheap. WHO DOES THAT?! We weren’t even THAT young, we were for sure old enough to know not do pull that kind of crap. Well now, more about her personality. She lies, she has lied to my parents about many things before and she thinks she’s a fricken spy or something. Well not literally, she just believes she can get away with anything. She is also the kind of person who picks two people and clings onto them forever. She pushes other people away from her and it causes other people to dislike me, too. Once two cute guys were talking to us. She then says to both of them with kind of a scary face, “Go away. We don’t want you here.” WTF?! Did you not see I was having a conversation with them?? After that I don’t think they liked me all that much. thanks, Sarah. She often says that people don’t care about her and she just goes on and on about all of her problems in the world and gossips about her one and only other friend. She’s too blind to see that all that anybody has done for her ever is cared for her and been there for her. She gets angry if things are not her way. Fortunately, I have many other friends so if I manage to shake her off, I won’t be alone. Oh yeah! That’s another thing… At lunch at school, she often says that nobody talks to her. The thing is, if me or her other best friend are talking to someone else, she just sits there and literally stares at her food. Sarah is alone because she makes herself alone. It really is quite sad. And about shaking her off… That’s another thing I can’t quite seem to do. Summer has luckily just begun, so it will be easier… Except, she always calls me, messages me, and if she doesn’t hear back she spams my Facebook or leaves angry messages. I’ve been trying to distance myself from her for a long time, but she soon starts to see that and clings on to me even more. She’s not like a normal person. She doesn’t get the message and back off. Instead, she comes running back so she doesn’t lose me. She doesn’t want to be alone, even though she pretty much already is, and I think she knows that. Anyway, (I say that way too much..) I need some more help on how to deal with a friend like this… I’m afraid to talk to her about it, because I do admit I’m kind of a coward! I’m shy and usually polite, and I let people walk all over me. I need more advice on how I can stop this from happening, and how I can make this girl treat me with some respect! By the way, I’m sorry you all had to hear my ranting… Thanks! -Rebekah

  • Kat June 27, 2013, 12:52 pm

    *firstofall,i am an Asian so yeah sorry for my poor english*
    Thank you so much! I do have a toxic friend but i dont really feel like ending our friendship.
    Me,Natasha and 3 other friends have been bestfriends since last year.So yeah i believe she’s a toxic friend cuz she’s been turning 3 of my bestfriends against me.And whenever i accidentaly did anything wrong to her,she’ll tell them and make looks mean and i never understands her and blah blah blah.I tried to be patient but it gets harder day by day with her mean jokes about me.I can’t believe my best friends actually fell for her! :'(
    Yesterday,i was the last to get out from the workshop in my school,and all my female classmates were singing a birthday song for a friend outside.And when im about to join them,she rolls her eyes and go away.After lunch,i went to the class and found out there;s ANTS in my desk.I found an empty donut packaging with sugars in it.Yeap,she did that.I know i should end this friendship but if i do,what about my other 3 bestfriends?I Ending my friendship with Natasha means i’ll be left out by others. Hwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa T-T

  • Anna July 7, 2013, 4:15 pm

    Thanks for this article.
    I have a friend whom I supported last year through difficult moments in her life. Once all this passed, and I needed her support she simply rejected me as she preferred to have fun rather that supporting someone who wasn’t at their best. This year again she started being nice to me, of course she wanted something from me. Unfortunately I see her quite often, I would have to cut off my dance classes and other people. But step by step I let her go from my life – I can see how it hurt even a few months ago when she ignored me and spoke to all other girls. She did the same thing yesterday – and think that we used to be friends some time ago. You can tell some people are surprised. Anyway, I tried to talk to her some time ago about it and the only thing I got was that everything is my fault and when she finished her rant she told me that she had no time for conversations and simply walked off leaving me totally stunned. A few times she made unpleasant remarks even if I didn’t bother her – I stopped talking to her, just hello, there’s not need to attack me. Not sure what she makes out of me, she is a kind of a person who portrays you as the mad one, I know that she talks to other people telling them how good she is to me and how she cares – shame I can’t see it. I need to get her out of my system. Yesterday again, she ignored me when I said hello (nothing new), then was very nice to everyone else (this unfortunately still hurts but getting better) and when I didn’t join HER conversations and the crowd around her, I talked to other group of girls, she then tried to talk to me and then even complimented my dress – at this point I rolled my eyes. Sorry, I couldn’t do anything about it. I’m just wondering if it’s about her and having people admiring her, the problem is not that she likes me but the fact that I stopped running around her. Even if she had admirers around, she still needs more. Since I stopped jumping up to her expectations, she suddenly started being nice even to the girls she never cared about. Anyway, I spoke to a couple of girls as they were interested what happened and they were very sympathetic and confirmed that it’s not a problem with me for sure. They said you never know how she’s going to react (nice or angry) and a few other things (like suddenly ignoring a person) it’s her behaviour and nothing to do with me and she is like that and in general they keep the distance. They’ve known her for a few years already.
    The lesson which I learned is that friendships a built step by step. If someone is your best friend very quickly, gives you gifts after a week of meeting, when you feel there is a bit too much intensity, I can tell you that it will either die or the person needs some excitement or needs you in general. I really regret she managed to get the better of me as the other girls who aren’t as flashy are actually very nice and for a year I haven’t had much chance to talk to them as she needed my full attention and was jeleaous. She still is even if she doesn’t want to talk to me. Anyway, I’m making gradually friends with people who respect me and like me for who I am – with her I feel like I’m never good enough or whatever I say is never interesting or stuff I do is not really good or the way I dress is wrong.
    The whole thing still bothers me, less and less – I had to let her out of my system.
    Thanks for reading.

  • lala November 7, 2013, 12:20 pm

    there are clearly toxic relationships and there are toxic people pointing the finger at others being toxic.
    just because you are uncomfortable around another person doesn’t simply mean that they are
    you could also feel uncomfortable around another person because you are envious etc…..
    it is very easy for a person, toxic or not, to to point the finger at someone, the other person, there by releasing themselves from their part in the relationship. there are people who are very clearly not supportive and in fact the opposite. blame playing and finger pointing solves nothing. why can’t people just be honest and say we don’t match up? instead of having to annihalate another person to feel better about the simple fact that people are different?

  • Clarissa November 9, 2013, 1:36 pm

    I know a “friend” who competes, is clingy, brags, can make rude comments (“wow! You are good for a weird person”), makes fun of me and even threatens that she can break my arms (she does karate.). Everyone loves her and throws good things at her feet. The worst parts are that she can be fun a little bit of the time, never thinks she is annoying and because I have known her since first grade, she thinks I am her best friend and love her. I know she is toxic but there is no way to get rid of her. If I confront her like one girl did, she bursts into tears. One morning I decided to talk to one friend for 5 minutes and she went to tell a teacher that we were ignoring her and we got in trouble. I am sad around her and I am shy, so giving her a taste of her own medicine will not work. If I ignore her, she follows me saying “Are you ok? Are you ok?” while others can tell that I need some space, or try to help. I really need help. I have lots of other friends, but if I try to something as simple as change lunch tables, she follows. I have had this problem for years and just need a gentle way to tell her to lay off. Thank you for reading. (NOTE- not my real name.)

    • Clarissa November 9, 2013, 1:41 pm

      I understand you toxic friend points and will use them if I ever have any other toxic friends, but this girl is another case. I sometimes feel like I am going to explode when I am in the same room as her. Thanks in advance for your help if you give any and thanks for reading. I feel as if a weight has been lifted off my chest.

      • Clarissa November 9, 2013, 2:28 pm

        She also likes to embarrass me. I have two autistic brothers and one of them did something very embarrassing. I told her and another friend a while ago, because I thought they could keep a secret. The other friend did, but now when we meet new people, she try’s to tell the story, even if I don’t know them too well. She can be obsessed with things and trys to talk to me about them all day. She hates some of my friends and constantly disses them and yells at them. She treats me like I am 2 years old and thinks she is my overpowering leader. She gets angry at me if I get a better score then her on tests. If I am willing talk about a problem like ” I wish that my parents liked taking me to stores. They only shop online.” she either makes jokes about my family or acts bored like I don’t matter. She gets angry at me for ridiculous things. One time she left a granola bar wrapper on the table, so I threw it out for her. Apparently, she had a tiny chocolate chip in there that she was saving, almost started crying, and refused to talk to me for the rest of lunch. She thinks she is good at singing( I don’t think so) and sings all the time, even if she asks and I say no. She gets angry at a teacher for getting angry at her for being such an annoying smart aleck and tells everyone that he is a horrible teacher. She makes fun of me for being smart and ahead in math and LA. She calls me the human calculator ( I’m not that good!). She is the most annoying person I know and want to scream if she shows up at school (she is hardly ever absent! GRR!). I can’t get rid of this problem. Sorry for my ranting. HELP!

  • jessica November 13, 2013, 9:31 am

    I’m jessica by name,Am from the United State of America am here to testify in the good name of this great man called Dr Adams for the great thing and happiness he brought back to my life after my lover left me for 2years..steve never loved me all he wanted from me was just sex and nothing more,He was just taking advantage of me and when he got tired of me he broke up with me i really loved steve more than my self because at first he made me feel love and how important i was in his life not knowing all he just wanted from me was just sex,When steve broke up with me i was just in a deep pain i cried for months and got tired of this life But i got encourage from friends and giving me hope that everything would be okay i stopped going to work just wanted to be alone i cried out my life but nothing happened,i tried all my possible best to get back steve but it never worked out fine,Then after then i just decided to go visit a friend at her place I met my friend listen to the radio because she was also having similar problem with me then i asked her why is she so focused on the radio she said she is waiting for a program called (How i got my ex back)Then i told her to tell me more about the program which she did and i also had interest in the program shortly as we were discussing the program came up,Then jeniffer and i focused on the program There was 3 ladies who they said they should give testimonies on how they got back there lover the first lady said she got her lover through the help of this great man call Dr Adams,When we had that name we where so happy and the other 2 ladies said same thing it was so interesting instantly before the program came to an end i and jennifer contacted Dr Adams and shared our problem with him he just told us that we need to be calm that it’s one after the other that one lady just contacted him for help that he has to finish with the lady first before he attends to me because it was me jennifer that called him first So Dr Adams told me not to worry that he assures me that my lover would be back to my arms within 24hours,I was so happy to hear that really my lover steve came back to my arms and showed me love and made me had access to everything he owns in this life am so grateful and same with jennifer she is back with her lover with the help of Dr Adams,Please Dr Adams is a man to trust and believe on you can contact him on dradamsjohnsoncentre12@gmail .com or cell number +2348176363653

  • Bri :) November 14, 2013, 5:27 am

    My “bestfriend” and I have been friends for almost 4 years now. The reason I put “bestfriend” in quotation marks is because, well I kinda demoted her from that position in my own head. She still thinks I see her as that bff but I don’t. She CONSTANTLY talks about herself! All the time! She craves attention and I can see right through her. She probably thinks I am stupid enough to fall for it(Which is quite hurtful), but I’m not. If she knows me so well she would know that I am very good at reading people. So I know she is full of it! She’s a hypochondriac. She always comes to school(11th grade by the way:p) saying she has scoliosis, and she gets panic and anxiety attacks, and shes depressed and her life is worse than others. And I was always here for her until these last few months. Not rudely, but I ignore her nicely. I try to change the subject, I try and talk to her about an issue I may have and she changes the subject to her. Or she tries to one up me making it like her situation is worse. She makes people feel bad for her when in all reality, shes not fooling me. I will ALWAYS be here for my friends, but only to ones I know that are there for me. She took advantage of my family and I. We bought her stuff and helped her out and did great things for her. And her family and her never said a thank you. I know you say disappearing is cowardly, but the last time I tried to bring it up she completely flipped and talked a bunch of crap about me to people who are also my friends. So is it the right thing to do to just back away slowly from her life? We haven’t seen eachother after school for almost a month now and I enjoy it. I feel free from her drama and negativity. Of course I will never be rude to her, but I just hope I am doing the right thing.

  • Maria Brown November 24, 2013, 11:29 am

    Hello! I have been friends with the same friend for over 25 yrs!! The others girls in out group came along yrs later! All have our kids, they love each other like family! We are all like family! Our hubbies friends in all each other’s weddings. We friend (a) for 25 yrs, has had always had bulky tendencies! I’ve let go, laughed along and so has other joined on her band wagon! It’s gotten worse! Gossips, turns other against each other! Very jealous and envious! Let it go and always have made up and made peace and allowed her to down to me, screaming picking at my weak points! And always in a group of an audience! Friend to defend my self but manipulated and twisting so I end up say, “sorry”!
    This past year I have stood up and finally came to my end of my rope! So I’m crazy, need help and nuts! Bc I’m defending for respect and my own privacy in my home! She snoops, and investigates why I never come to her for advice or confide in her! But one if my friends actually all have been in my shoes but no one has takes a stand like I have! So now I deleted her off fb bc I just need to stay away! Well all my friends have not reached out to me and my friend who has been my shoes is distant and has made it clear, she’s busy! I have made numberous request for dinner plans and etc., she cancels! So I have become distant her too says I’m cold so she is distant! But as I see it if friend A, finds out or sees that we are together she will turn her away.
    I’m sad and hurt! I feel no know cares and they are displaying they togetherness constantly on fb trying to get a rise out of me!
    What to do?

  • Lea December 5, 2013, 9:52 am

    The yo-yo’s. The ones who are absolutely your best friend when they’re in a good mood, but the second you or someone else does something they don’t like or agree with, you’re in the dog house, trying and trying to get them back to their “normal” without realizing that the shitty attitude IS their “normal.” Hm, sounds like most girls in relationships of every kind now that I think about it…why do so many girls grow up not learning how to be a good friend or girlfriend? Kids are on their own because parents don’t want to talk about these things, or it just doesn’t occur to them, I guess. I read Your Erroneous Zones by Dr. Wayne Dyer and learned just how absurd it is to pander to these people and let them control our feelings. Well worth the read, I recommend it for anyone who struggles with…well…anything in life.

  • Natalia December 21, 2013, 6:03 pm

    I always attract toxic friends. I’m a hard worker and I like to do things properly. So, for some reason a get the typical friends that are like sponges. I’m of a kind nature and spiritual so I believe in helping others to improve themselves. I’m not a jealous person, so I believe that when someone is doing better then I should admire them and look at myself and see what can I improve, although I don’t get obsessed to achieve the same than others, I try to focus on my own progress without competition.

    But, then I attract friends which have some similarities with me and seem to compete with me all the time. I don’t like competition, I believe in progress though but in a natural way. They show off when they achieve something. Also, they become needy and ask me for help constantly in a way that drains my energy and stress me out eventually. Even if they don’t ask I feel that I should help if I can for their wellbeing. But when I need a small favour, they are not there for me, and I have to solve my small problem on my own. And, if I tell them that I have a problem with someone that we both know, these kind of friends tend to say that the person I have a friction with is really nice to them and even they become friends. So, I feel on my own when I need any help or support, and a bit betrayed when these friends become friends of my ‘enemy’. Anyway, I’m very intuitive and I can identify a toxic friend when this happens , so I tell them what I think and I stop contact with them. Later on I feel bad about it when they try to contact me again, they say they want to be friends, so I give in. And when everything is back to normal, they make me feel bad again and keep on being users. So, I tell them by text or email what I think and I stop contact with them. It’s sad, but it’s not healthy to be surrounded by toxic friends because they can drag you down, make you feel bad and stop you form achieving your full potential and making your dreams come true.

  • Jo December 22, 2013, 1:00 pm

    I just got in a huge argument with a childhood friend, who has not been one of my closest friends in the last few years. For this reason among others I chose to not invite her to my August wedding.
    Strike 1: When my now-fiance and I hit a rocky patch, I received a vicious 2 hour long phone call from her where I pretty much spent the entire time defending our relationship. She said that call was because she thought he ‘didn’t deserve me, and she loved me’- if that were the case, get your nose out of my relationship- we were still together and discussing engagement at this point!!
    Strike 2: A month after he proposed, I posted a photo of a pile of bridal magazines on my instagram. What bride wouldn’t?? I’m allowed to be sappy and enjoy being engaged. She comments on it, hashtagging ‘#excessive #iloveyoubutwegetitalready’…Way to be supportive and polite, right?
    Strike 3: She texted me to ask if she was invited- isn’t that a huge no-no for weddings? If you get an invitation, you’re invited. If not, don’t be rude and approach the bride-to-be because she probably has reasons for not inviting you! Not always personal ones either! I’m trying to keep my wedding small and budget-friendly and have had to say no to a lot of people.
    Some of this may sound petty, but everything together was enough for me to realize we were more friends out of convenience (we’ve been neighbors since elementary school) than anything else. My best girlfriends now are people I’ve met within that last few years and am friends with because we share commonalities, not convenience.

  • itzpms December 29, 2013, 10:35 pm

    i feel resentful. i have a friend. i got her a job. i told her that she will be in my shadow cuz i am the best at my job and itz my word. she agreed. now she gets the better projects and makes more moneythan i do. i have always worked on monday cause that is when the money projects come out. now, they come out on friday, when i am off…… i am the union steward and stood up for my co-workers. and she is the one who benefits !! i don’t get it !!because she talks all the time, & i have to work with her. i changed my schedule so i only work with her 3 days a week. but i feel like she used me. competes with me for attention. i gave her the conditions when i got her the job (which she never had to apply for). i am ready to quit my job. that i love. but i’ve had enough.

  • WJS January 10, 2014, 10:18 am

    My awful ex-friend went through a situation where evereyone in her life told her she was a bad person. So she calls me up (after a long patch of silence), and says she wants to come visit and help me with my six month old baby girl right after this happens. I had had a very bad C-section and had a tear in my abdomen that would not heal. Also we had no family in the area. So I said she could come, but it would not be much of a social visit or true vacation. So she shows up with her adult cousin, and her three year old daughter in tow and wants to have a dinner in my house. They were also like six hours later than they were supposed to be. I said that would not work for me. The next day she comes to my doorstep and tells me she “dooesn’t understand what my problem was” about having her whole family in my house. So I tell her I’m exhausted and sick and a have a young baby and it is not a good time. And I tell her I have already said this before she came out. So she tells me in an email after this awful “visit” from her, and half her family, that I am “needy” and “manipulative” and she wants a more distant relationship. I call her up and say maybe she should try to explain why she would do and say such awful things at such a difficult time for both of us. She reiterates her crappy comments and says if I were of her “culture” I would be OK with all her family members coming to stay in my home uninvited. I say that I guess she is both a racist and a jerk. So do not contact me again. She screams at me for being “needy” so I hang up on her ignorant ass and have thankfully never heard from her again. Now I ask you, why whould anyone, including me, have been friends with such a loser for 15 years? It is a bizarre world we all live in. Good riddance.

  • Liebelle January 14, 2014, 2:33 pm

    I can so relate to being used by a friend. I was a friend to this guy I met in language class. We chatted all the time after class. Over time we exchanged numbers and emails. We kept in touch. Well, he knew I had a lot of music CDs, so he asked to borrow them for a party he was attending. A week past since the party was over, so I decided to call him and ask if he would bring my CDs to class. He came to class that night and gave me the CDs which were in an envelope. Then, he proceeded to tell me that he burned copies for himself and ask if I was mad. I was a bit miffed he didn’t ask me before burning the copies, but I had to play it cool because others were standing around. Later that night at home I opened the envelope to check my CDs and one was scratched. My friend also wrote on the paper jackets of the CDs and my music list for the CDs was missing. I was pissed. Needless to say, I only saw red and sent him an email letting him know what I found. No response. I sent another email, called and texted. Nothing…..no response. I finally blew up and told him to give me the burned copies he had made via text. That evening I receive a text from him saying “They are in your mailbox.” I thought…..what nerve? Anyways, I am dumping him as a friend because he couldn’t even apologize or acknowledge that he did something wrong. I am done with him. I pretty much ended the relationship with a bit of name-calling via text. Yes…..it was so wrong, but it felt so good. He’s done other things to get on my nerves over time and I should have ended the relationship a while back.

  • Angelica Londos January 19, 2014, 12:00 pm

    My name is Mrs Angelica Londos from united states Daly city ca, i am married with two kids. Life has been a misery for me and my kids for over six years when my husband dumped me for his new mistress due to some minor misunderstanding that we had.
    So he engage in a fight with me and throw me out of the house, so all through these sorrowful period of my life, i have been in pain. So one day, as i was browsing through the internet, i came across many post about spell casters testifying how they were helped by them so i decided to seek help and advice. but naturally i didn’t believe in spells or magic powers but due to the fact that i was deeply in love with my husband, i decided to go for a try, So i came in contact with Dr. Aire of drairesolutioncenter@gmail.com but before i contact Dr. Aire, i was scammed by alot of spell casters who makes me believe that they can help me. So because of all these, i almost lost hope that i can’t get my husband back anymore so when i contacted this Dr. Aire, he assure me that he will help me to reunite my marriage, so without demanding any single cent from me, he did a spell for me and he advice me to wait for just 24 hours. I actually waited as he said, so when it was 24 hours after he did the spell, my husband actually called me on my mobile phone and started apologizing for everything that he had caused me and the kids. This was how my marriage was reunited again and Starting from this point till date, i and my husband has been living peacefully and happily. Anybody viewing this testimony should please stop by and read and if you are so interested in contacting Dr. Aire for any help, simply do that via his email id (drairesolutioncenter@gmail.com) and remain happy.

  • Rahul January 23, 2014, 3:49 pm

    Hey, I find your story quite similar to mine. Few months ago, I had this girl in my life who matched your description of “Toxic Friend”. Like you, I met with an accident which cracked few of my ribs and a strained ACL. But its the severe migraine after that (I don’t know what triggered it medications/stress), made the doctor to suggest me to cut off some of the stress in my life.

    So, this girl (Graduation classmate), would call me whenever in distress, wanting me to comfort her. And I would go out of my comfort zone to fulfill her needs, make her happy, do whatever necessary to make her normal. Then once, the purpose is solved she would just disappear. No phone calls, texts, email, nothing. And this would go on for 1-2 weeks. This happened 3-4 times. The last time it happened was before my accident. She was visiting her parents at that time.

    She ignored me best, when I needed her the most! Then the real messy part started. The end of all the fuss.

    My mother always told, “No matter what a girl does to you never insult her in public”.

    So, I thought of a rather clever but a little twisted way to end this. I proposed her of being my girlfriend, and when she refused (As I knew she will), I refused to be in the friend zone/ I am not getting any younger crap and distanced from her.

    Just when I was about to unfriend her on FB, things got messy. One day I posted the lyrics of Stereo Hearts- Gym Class heroes (the rap part which included, “Cause holding grudges over love is ancient artifacts”) that somehow prompted her that I was trying to patch things up. It took a real nasty public insult on FB, and throwing her out of the friendlist that I was finally able to end this.

    At, the end of all, I ended up contradiciting with my mother. Its just sad how things turned ugly.

  • Charlotte January 25, 2014, 8:01 pm

    I was part of a social group of girls I’d known from school until I was 27. Sadly with most of the girls the behaviour that started in the playground didn’t stop when we became adults. There was bullying at a young age, I distanced myself but I got sucked back in as I got older thinking they had grown up. However, they just became better at hiding their behaviour. There were subtle putdowns and disrespectful behaviour which I ignored but when one of the girls (the ringleader) went after an ex I had strong feelings for only in a bid to hurt me that was the final straw. I told her I no longer wanted to be her friend as I realised we had never been friends. I said she was maniupulative, competitive and that she used people to hurt me and that I wanted nothing more to do with her. She sent me some vicious, again manipulative emails trying to wiggle out of it. I ignored them, eventually she gave up. The whole group of girls were similar to her. Always competing, fake. In the end I removed myself from the group entirely. My life has changed, I feel liberated. I have wonderful new friends who are kind and a really good laugh. I think too many people feel that they have to keep friendships because they’ve been going on for so long but just as a boyfriend behaving would get dumped so should girlfriends. There are so many lovely people out there, new friendships waiting to be formed :)

  • Sophie January 31, 2014, 4:09 pm

    I have a few friends I consider toxic, just because they drain me and I dread going to school and meeting them. We never had very much in common and our friendship wasn’t particularly deep, but I didnt mind because we could talk and laugh together anyway. But since a couple of weeks they started to avoid me. Never take an effort to start a conversation, avoid eye contact, even sneer. Im not an idiot and I assume they want to stop being my friend, even though theyve never said anything. I think they might be bored with me and not see any entertainement value in me, which is horrid, but these are the effects of our entertainment- crazy society. (And i dont have low self esteem about it, because i know our interests are very different)
    Anyways I’d love to pluck up the courage and end it on my behalf but the problem is that I dont have any other friends so the option is to become a total loner. And I still have one and a half year left at my school to endure… So I wonder what is worse, letting these people treat me like a doormat for one and a half year or being lonely this time? Of course there are other girls in my class but these toxic friend have started to hang out with these people alot more instead so there no really avoiding them. My school is very small you see…
    Would be super grateful for any kind of advice.

    • Charlotte February 15, 2014, 5:31 pm

      Hi Sophie, I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. It’s a tricky one but I imagine if you’re feeling the way you are there must be other girls that are feeling the same but are too scared to stand up for themselves and are bullied into being friends with the girls who are unkind, toxic people. I would start looking to see if there are any girls like you who are kind hearted but have got sucked into those fake friendships. Try to build bridges with them. May be suggest hanging out after school or in lunch time. If there really is no-one then try making friends outside school. Join a local club in something that interests you. If you really don’t have the time outside school, don’t manage to make friends remember that this only a short time in your life. Throw yourself into your studies, concentrate on your family. There will be so many more friendships to be made once you leave school, especially once you start working or go to university. If you didn’t realise the reason that they are targeting you will be for the very reason that you don’t have low self-esteem like them. They will be able to sense you’re happy with yourself, they will be very jealous, resentful of this. Stay strong, hold you head up high. Good Luck :)

  • natasha February 3, 2014, 6:52 pm


  • Lauren February 14, 2014, 8:28 am

    When I spent time with a certain friend, I noticed that after a while , she began to change,and become increasingly hostile aggressive …rude, nasty, etc . She used to be OK, so I thought she might be just going through something, but no, it just got worse.

    For example, I confided to her about an argument that I had with my cousin, and she brought it up when we were out with other friends, and she said to me in a very hostile, scornful way,”The reason YOU let her talk to you like that is because YOU ARE WEAK.” I was hurt and embarrassed, but I challenged her on the spot about her mean comments and her judgmental attitude, but she just stood her ground. Also, She was very, very mean to another friend when we were out in a group.

    I had cancer, and she told me that “eating excrement cures cancer”. I (yes stupidly)
    argued the point with her, but she was adamant!!! This was beyond the pale…a deal breaker. She was not just a toxic friend, she is dangerous and crazy mean.

    I had enough of her horrible comments, her bad attitude, her frequent bailing out at the last minute. I decided NOT to have a “meaningful talk ” with her, as I realized the she knew EXACTLY what she was doing, and I could not change her mean-spirited ways. She knew.

    So I decided to just drift away from her. At first, I was very slow in responding to her calls, texts and emails etc. Then I was very cool and cold. Then I stopped responding. I wanted NOTHING to do with her. Eventually, she got the message. I feel much healthier, and much more optimistic, and now I spend time only with friends who are good for me

    . The stress of having her around has dropped out of my life. What a wonderful difference not to have her as a “friend” in my life. Sometimes, for the good of our emotional, and physical health, we HAVE to let go of really toxic people.

    • Aria March 4, 2014, 8:34 pm

      This explains now, whenever I have a
      disagreement with someone and recount it to someone else, and they say “it must be YOU, you’re too this that or the other” I now say “how interesting” or even better, don’t tell them at all. I find conversation with a wine or whisky bottle usually cures whatever annoyed feelings I have over the situation, quicker than a human being.

  • K February 15, 2014, 10:12 am

    My college roommate’s father died when we were just about to graduate. She was devastated. Before that she always dated the wrong guy – always looking for a father figure type man, men that cheated on her, men that saw her vulnerability. I always listened to her breakup drama. I have always had very healthy relationships. After college we remained close – visiting each other at least once a year. In the 10 years after college she has always had very dysfunctional relationships while I on the other hand am about to get married. A few years back we were at a bar and she was borderline harassing one of my friends who was married being very forward and suggestive – I took her home and the entire time she was crying saying “you don’t want me to be happy”. Our friendship has struggled since that night. So much so in fact we didn’t talk for several months. She then she started seeing a therapist and started using language like “manipulative behavior” and “I wish you well”. I have loved her like a sister but she no longer wants to be my friend and it breaks my heart. I think she doesn’t want to be my friend because I was the only one there for her during the most traumatic time in her life and she is jealous of my happiness. Is it time to just let the friendship die?

  • Julianne February 20, 2014, 12:53 pm

    I’m currently in a situation of “breaking up” with a very toxic friend of mine. We’ve know each other for 25 years on and off friends throughout the years but within the past year we have become attached at the hip. I’ve really got to know her true self and I have fallen in love with her (platonic). She has a lot of mental issues as I have a few myself and this has presented a few problems throughout our recent sparked friendship. Although I seem to always admit my mistakes and apologize, she does not. Everytime we get into a disagreement she immediately becomes defensive and begins attacking me. I feel as though it has become a one sided relationship with ME putting in all the effort. She has shown to be manipulative and very bossy. She wants things her way, and to call all the shots. Kind of like someone described earlier about the friend who says when you two will get together and when she has time without any regard to your feelings. She always calls my feelings dumb and bullshit. I have tried distancing myself from her but it is hard for me to exercise self control. No matter how crappy she treats me, I just cannot tell her goodbye. Early on I tried to establish boundaries only for her to reply she wants less boundaries. She calls me all day everyday and text messages me all day every day as well. I love her but I have a family to attend to and cannot be at her beck and call. I expressed ALL of this to her only to get shut down and deemed stupid. Finally, I completely shut down and told her goodbye for what I feel in my heart to be the last straw; last time. She’s like a sister to me if not closer. I cannot imagine her NOT in my life and as I type this my heart is breaking. Point being, you cannot change someone nor can you keep living an illusion. She is not who I have built her up to be and i must convince myself to be wise to this. She is a toxic friends. She is a toxic person. I hope anyone reading this going through something similar to me, understands that loving someone with every fiber of your being will not change them into the person you wish they were. You are only in control of yourself and your life. Time to move on.

  • Kat March 1, 2014, 1:04 am

    theres this girl ive been friends with since second grade. she started out our friendshid as a toxic friend but I was so afraid that nobody else would be friends with me that I kept her around. we’re seniors in high school now and she’s getting steadily worse. she undermines everything I say and she claims I don’t count as someone who has really gone to our school because I moved here in second grade. she insults me in front of people and she always blames me for the hell she put me through in grade school. she can be really sweet when she wants to be though so its hard to just cut her off. ive tried to get her to stop but she always tries to justify it. should I just stop talking to her after graduation or what? I need help.

  • anna March 4, 2014, 1:06 pm

    the best friend that once can have is oneself. others will let you down. if one is not good to oneself, no others can truly help. it begins with one and ends there as well.

    • Aria March 15, 2014, 4:50 pm

      Absolutely. Couldn’t have said it better. People can be not so much help as a total hindrance and letting go can be the easier option – as opposed to hanging in there and putting up!!

  • Missy March 8, 2014, 2:13 pm

    I have become really fast friends with this girl I met a year ago. She is going through a hard time with her parents divorce, and she is looking to me for all the answers and advice and support- to clarify, I’m 17 and a girl. However, I feel like sometimes she will tell me too much, more than I can handle because I have my own problems with depression. But I feel like I can’t let her down or she’ll become depressed like I am? And lately she’s been wanting to hang out almost every day, but I really feel like I ant take any more of her unloading on me. And I’m a quiet person, she makes me feel bad about when I can’t think of much to say, I told her that I beat myself up for being shy and I don’t need her to too, but she still makes me feel bad. What should I do? She’s a really sweet girl and i don’t want to hurt her ( she gets hurt sooo easily) but I really can’t take much more of her problems, I’m feeling the need to cut myself after talking to her, she makes me feel so bad about myself without even trying.

  • MIchelle April 5, 2014, 12:07 pm

    I was “friends” with a narcissist and after we met, I usually felt great. She did a number on me, building me up, making me think I was a neat person (I am!) – but eventually it became clear that she was the Queen Bee, what she said went and if I disagreed with her, I was out.

    Well, that’s what happened!

    Just letting you and readers know that not all bad friends make you feel bad… at first anyway, as they suck you in.

  • StarGirl April 8, 2014, 7:00 am

    Thanks for this article.

    I’m having a similar problem right now, only it’s with one of my guy friends. I’m a freshman girl at a really amazing but tough university, and though things can get frustrating sometimes, at the end of the day I thought I always had my friends to get me through. Well, I was wrong. In our friend group, it’s me, one other girl, and about five guys all who are super close and some other girls who we’re kind of friends with. One guy – let’s call him V – is sort of the “leader” or all the guys, in that he’s super funny and charming and makes people feel at ease, but also super manipulative. This is the guy I have a problem with. I care a lot about my friends, and I always make sure I’m there for them and that they know I’m there for them, and so I’ve always been a good friend to V and all my other friends in the group. But a few months ago, I found out that V had been talking about me behind my back to all the other guys (his ‘bros’ – they all ended up pledging the same frat) in the group. I got annoyed and tried to confront him about it, but since he hates confrontations, he kind of avoided it and stopped talking smack and went back to being my friend. For a while, everything was perfect – until a few days ago, when one of my other friends told me he had been talking about me again and turning a lot of those guys in our group against me. I got extremely upset and started crying. I’ve only ever been a good friend to them – picked them up when they were down, taken care of them when they were drunk, gone out and had a good time with them, and we all enjoy each other’s company. So I have NO IDEA why he’s talking about me or why he could possibly not like me. The biggest problem is that he’s manipulated other guys in the group to also not like me for no reason, and none of them can see that they’re being manipulated. They all think they’re on his side, but there aren’t any “sides” – I did nothing wrong! This kid talks about me every single day. So yesterday, a few of my friends went up to him and talked to him about it and said that I knew he was talking about me and that it wasn’t right to pretend to be my friend and be nasty behind my back… and he didn’t seem to care at all. I’ve avoided him all day. I’m going to talk to him tomorrow, but I’m scared – he’s so manipulative that I know he’ll try and turn it around on me, even though i did nothing wrong. How should I approach him? And how do I get the rest of my friends back when I’ve done nothing wrong in the first place?!

  • AW April 18, 2014, 9:33 am

    I’m trying to cut out my friend who treated me bad. We start to hang out for 3 years. After a year pass I star feel uncomfortable around her. She always want my time seeing her everyday or vacation with her alone at couple times a year. I have family with 2 sons 17 and 19. I can do sometime to get away but I feel bad to take off often with out my kids. Sometimes I have to say NO I can’t go then she upset. She want to to know everything I do where I’m going and I have to tell her where I’m. I feel like I’m being control. She will be upset if I want to hang out with the other friends without her or I want to do my own thing. Her emotions is up and down and she can embarrassed me in front of people. She doesn’t know what she did if I tell her but get on and blame that it’s my fault. She will text me everyday and all the time she will be upset if I can’t response back in time or all the time. She drained my energy and my working time or my time with my family. She want to be first or important even more than my family or my mom. She would go crazy and talk bad to me and make me feel guilty if I don’t have time for her or I choose my family first. I’m trying to cut her out many times and now I didn’t talk to her for couple weeks and refused to do any thing with her even don’t want to speak if I see her. I’m sad doing this. I miss her so bad and would like to fix between us but I’m to scare and tired to be her doormat. I don’t think I deserve to be that way. I’m trying hard but miss her very bad. I hope I can do this and hope time will help me to forget about her and our relationship. I can’t speak how I feel. She always find excuse and blame on me and end up argument and yelling very rude to me. I’m doing the right thing for myself but missing her. Please help me go through and give me advise. She is in my head all time. I’m trying to keep myself busy but not help much.

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